vacation: day four

Day 4 and I'm just about ready to return. In fact, I'll be back tomorrow. My apologies to Cassidy who I have clearly let down badly. Have a safe and happy new year everyone!

vacation: day three

Still busy. Which reminds me. When I come off blog vacation I'll have to tell you the story of my 2nd grade teacher Ms. Ward. Classic.

vacation: day two

If you're reading this post, it has been pre-generated and it means that I am still on blog vacation. I apologize for any inconvenience and feel bad for you if this is a big part of your day. I may return soon. We'll see...

blog vacation

This is a great time of year! Also a busy one. So, I will be taking a blog vacation. I'll let you know when I'm writing again! Happy and safe New Year everyone!

mall kiosks

I would like to take a second to plug what appears to be a very funny movie coming out in January - Paul Blart: Mall Cop. I think Kevin James is hilarious. For the record, the movie was filmed at the Burlington Mall right here in Massachusetts. I wish I had known that at the time, as I would love to be in a Kevin James movie. Anyway, let's get to the actual point of this post. I love the going to the mall. I always have and I probably always will. As a kid, I always thought it best to go to the Cambridge Side Galleria, but usually ended up at Meadow Glen or Liberty Tree or Burlington. When I got older, the Square One Mall became the place to go...easily the 3rd worst mall I've ever been to (with the Auburn Mall being the worst and the Greendale Mall being the second worst). These days, I do most of my shopping at the Solomon Pond Mall. Enough about that, anyway, onto the point of my post. One of the things that I don't like so much about a trip to the mall is the existence of annoying mall kiosks. I pretty much hate all mall kiosks, though I couldn't imagine a mall without them anymore. The mall would feel empty. Regardless what's being sold, the kiosk folks try to annoy you into purchases their products. It's so frustrating. No I would not like you to rub lotion on my arm! Aside from the naturally annoyingness of mall kiosks, my brother brought up a solid point the other day. Some kiosks should not be allowed. Example: Backrub Kiosk. Seriously, nobody wants to watch you getting a backrub. It's really awkward. I could not imagine sitting in that chair getting a backrub. There are others that are wierd and creepy. I cannot think of them as I write them, but you know what they are. I would also like to take this opportunity to ask why people pay $1 to sit in the vibrating chairs they now place in the malls. Do people not realize that most malls have a Brookstone in it and you can use their massage chairs for free. What a waste of money.

contemplating retirement

Naturally I wish I could retire from my job, but that's not what I'm talking about. I'm contemplating retirement from my blog. I've been writing blogs for a couple of months and have had fun with it, no doubt about it. But, things get old after a while. What do you think? Should I retire? It won't be for a little while, even if I do, so keep checking it out until you hear the official announcement. Anyway, while on the topic of retirement, it's sad to know that I will have no shot at retirement when I turn 65. The age may be 75 by the time I reach that age, and let's face it, we all know that there will be no money there for us to collect from the government. I pay for other peoples' social security now, but won't see it on the other side when I'm old and gray. Anyone out there around my age or younger, enjoy freedom while you have it and be prepared to have a job for years and years to come. My generation really drew the short straw on this one.

reason for the season

I don't usually have serious posts, and when I do I usually make them an extra post and mark them as a special edition (se). I originally intended to do the same with this blog entry, but decided that it needed to be my main post for the day. We often hear about the "reason for the season," but it's usually as an aside. We can get so wrapped up in gift giving and time with family that it's easy to forget what Christmas is really all about. It's a time that we can reflect and think about how God became man so that he could ultimately die on the cross to pay for our sins. Jesus could have never died on the cross if he had not first been born into the world. We should be so grateful to God for this ultimate Christmas gift. Below is the account of the birth of Christ from the Gospel according to Luke, chapter 2. Please take the time to read this to remind yourself of why we are celebrating Christmas this day: 1In those days Caesar Augustus issued a decree that a census should be taken of the entire Roman world. 2(This was the first census that took place while Quirinius was governor of Syria.) 3And everyone went to his own town to register. 4So Joseph also went up from the town of Nazareth in Galilee to Judea, to Bethlehem the town of David, because he belonged to the house and line of David. 5He went there to register with Mary, who was pledged to be married to him and was expecting a child. 6While they were there, the time came for the baby to be born, 7and she gave birth to her firstborn, a son. She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn. The Shepherds and the Angels 8And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. 9An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. 10But the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. 11Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord. 12This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger." 13Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying, 14"Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace to men on whom his favor rests." 15When the angels had left them and gone into heaven, the shepherds said to one another, "Let's go to Bethlehem and see this thing that has happened, which the Lord has told us about." 16So they hurried off and found Mary and Joseph, and the baby, who was lying in the manger. 17When they had seen him, they spread the word concerning what had been told them about this child, 18and all who heard it were amazed at what the shepherds said to them. 19But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart. 20The shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things they had heard and seen, which were just as they had been told. Jesus Presented in the Temple 21On the eighth day, when it was time to circumcise him, he was named Jesus, the name the angel had given him before he had been conceived. 22When the time of their purification according to the Law of Moses had been completed, Joseph and Mary took him to Jerusalem to present him to the Lord 23(as it is written in the Law of the Lord, "Every firstborn male is to be consecrated to the Lord"), 24and to offer a sacrifice in keeping with what is said in the Law of the Lord: "a pair of doves or two young pigeons." 25Now there was a man in Jerusalem called Simeon, who was righteous and devout. He was waiting for the consolation of Israel, and the Holy Spirit was upon him. 26It had been revealed to him by the Holy Spirit that he would not die before he had seen the Lord's Christ. 27Moved by the Spirit, he went into the temple courts. When the parents brought in the child Jesus to do for him what the custom of the Law required, 28Simeon took him in his arms and praised God, saying: 29"Sovereign Lord, as you have promised, you now dismiss your servant in peace. 30For my eyes have seen your salvation, 31which you have prepared in the sight of all people, 32a light for revelation to the Gentiles and for glory to your people Israel." 33The child's father and mother marveled at what was said about him. 34Then Simeon blessed them and said to Mary, his mother: "This child is destined to cause the falling and rising of many in Israel, and to be a sign that will be spoken against, 35so that the thoughts of many hearts will be revealed. And a sword will pierce your own soul too." 36There was also a prophetess, Anna, the daughter of Phanuel, of the tribe of Asher. She was very old; she had lived with her husband seven years after her marriage, 37and then was a widow until she was eighty-four. he never left the temple but worshiped night and day, fasting and praying. 38Coming up to them at that very moment, she gave thanks to God and spoke about the child to all who were looking forward to the redemption of Jerusalem. 39When Joseph and Mary had done everything required by the Law of the Lord, they returned to Galilee to their own town of Nazareth. 40And the child grew and became strong; he was filled with wisdom, and the grace of God was upon him.

feliz navidad!

the airforce has spotted santa over d.c.

I never really believed in Santa Claus as a kid. At least, my parents never taught me about him. But I do remember a time when I thought he might be real. The one time during the season I was made to believe in Santa. Tonight I will be going to my aunt's house for Christmas Eve. The reason for this...it's tradition. My family has been spending Christmas Eve at Auntie's for years. When I was younger, Auntie lived at Hanscom Air Force Base in Bedford, MA. Thus, that's where we would go every Christmas Eve. And that was where I would believe in Santa. We would be having a fun time opening presents from Auntie and playing with our new toys when a message would come over the radio at the AFB. The message was essentially, if not precisely, the following: "Santa has just been spotted on radar over Washington D.C." He was already at Washington D.C. We need to go home and get to bed now! If he's heading toward the Northeast U.S., he'll be in Boston in no time. That was our queue to leave and go to bed. And that's what we did. Have a safe, fun Christmas Eve everyone. And let me know if you spot Santa over D.C. so I can get to bed!

a partridge in a pear tree

1 day until Christmas!

a christmas story

I love Christmas movies! They're my favorite. And following is the list of my favorites. My favorite comedy Christmas movies are: 1. A Christmas Story - Classic and hilarious. 2. National Lampoons Christmas Vacation - see above. 3. Elf - Smiling's my favorite. 4. Home Alone and Home Alone 2 - I can proudly say that I've never any movie past the first two, but those ones were great. My favorite animated Christmas movies are: 1. A Charlie Brown Christmas - I love the way the kids dance. 2. How the Grinch Stole Christmas - I hated the Jim Carey version, but the cartoon is awesome. 3. Santa Claus is Coming to Town 4. Rudolf My favorite dramatic Christmas movie is: 1. It's a Wonderful Life There are so many more great movies, but these are my favorite. I think I'm going to go watch a few of these now.

two turtle doves

2 days until Christmas!

official red ryder, carbine action, two-hundred shot range model air rifle

I think everyone has at least one gift that stands out as the most memorable from one's childhood. Some have a couple that really stand out. I have a few that I loved more than any other and remember to this day. One was a present I actually asked for and one was a present I didn't. 1. My parents always did a pretty good job picking out gifts on their own. I don't really remember ever having much input or asking for anything specific very often. One such gift my parents picked out was a dinosaur. I used to love dinosaurs (as a typical young boy). One Christmas was completely dinosaur themed. My favorite dinosaur toy was a giant inflatable dinosaur that had a remote control. It was bigger than me I think. It was awesome. 2. The one time I do remember actually wanting a specific toy very badly and actually asking for it (and getting it) was a voice activated toy car. You could tell the car what to do and it would listen. For example, if you said "get over here" it would start driving forward. I don't remember the name of it, but I loved that car. In other news, I've discovered something recently about presents. When I was a kid, I couldn't wait to see what presents I got for Christmas. Getting presents was the coolest. And then the rest of Christmas, playing with presents was the coolest. I don't know when the transition took place, but as I got older, I began appreciating giving gifts more. Nothing beats seeing the face of the person opening a gift you gave them. I imagine that the feeling will increase as a parent when seeing the joy of my child. Regardless, there was a point where, without even knowing it, I learned that it truly is better to give than to receive. Feel free to let me know your favorite present growing up. I think it's always fun to see what other people wanted and got.

three french hens

3 days until Christmas!

not 'ra ra ra ra', 'la la la la'!

I love Christmas music! I love when radio stations start playing it 24/7. The Oldies station up here in Boston started playing it right after Halloween this year. I like singing old Christmas carols. In fact, when I was a kid, we would go caroling to nursing homes and such. One Christmas Eve, we randomly walked around my aunt's neighborhood and caroled randomly. Mostly I just love listening to Christmas music though. And I have, without a doubt, a top 3 Christmas albums list. I will listen to these 3 albums more than any other. 1. Merry Christmas - Mariah Carey There is simply none better. "All I Want for Christmas is You!" is stilled played everywhere you go. Even if I didn't have a crush on her as a boy, I still would have loved this album the most. It's one amazingly sung song after another.

2. Christmas Interpretations - Boyz II Men

Definitely the best boy band Christmas album. I loved it when they sang "Silent Night" on one episode of The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. I also love "Let it Snow" This is another album full of great songs sung by great singers.

3. My Kind of Christmas - Christina Aguilera

I may be in the minority, but I like Christina. I certainly don't care for her antics or clothing choices, but her voice is second only to Mariah Carey. And her Christmas album falls just below Mariah as well. My favorite song on her album is probably "Christmas Time" but I also like her version of "Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas" featuring Brian McKnight.

There are many other great Christmas albums, carols and songs, but these are my "can't live without" musical options each Christmas.

four calling birds

4 days until Christmas!

this isn't one of those trees where all the needles fall off, is it?

I can't help but think of Charlie Brown's tree when I think about this quote from the movie. What a sad pathetic tree that was. My friend Aaron actually has the Charlie Brown Christmas tree this year (see photo below).

Anyway, I never had a tree so pathetic as those. The major reason for this is that with the exception of maybe one (at most two) Christmases, we had a fake tree when I was growing up. I remember pulling the "tree" out of our crawl space and setting it up. We had to match the colors painting on the metal ends of the "branches" to the color painted on the holes they went into. It wasn't even really one of those fake trees that look real. It was completely fake, in every way.

Polly and I bought a real tree last year for our first Christmas together. It was a nice full tree that was perfect in almost every way. It was certainly not one of those sickly, pathetic trees.

Tree decorations is also a big deal. We alternated between an angel and a star for our tree when I was growing up. We always had candy canes and colored lights. It's funny because I used to love colored lights, but now i think white lights are much more classy. Anyway, Polly and I have a nice star for top our tree.

It's funny how when you grow up and move out on your own, you take some tradition with you and make some new ones of your own.

five golden rings

5 days until Christmas!

like a deranged easter bunny

Thankfully I never got stuck in such a hideous costume for a family photo. That being said, family photos were never a really big thing in my family anyway. My mother or siblings may correct me on this one, but I never recall posing for a family Christmas picture. Nor do I recall my parents ever sending a Christmas card with a family picture on it. Of course, we like most families did take family photos, just not for the holidays. And like I'm sure is also true for most families, family photo time was always hectic. There was always complaining and arguing. Not to mention the fact that we could never get a picture where we all looked normal or good. We have one picture where everyone looks normal except for me, because I wasn't smiling. That's common for me in pictures anyway. These days, it's so rare that everyone in my family is even together, so pictures are rarer to come by. The last family shot we have is from my wedding. Here's an old professional photo of us kids. Probably the best family photo we ever took:

I think I ended up with the best outfit here. (I'm the littlest one sitting down in the rocking chair.) I also thankful that our parents didn't dress us up in any "cute" costumes. I think putting a kid in a pink bunny outfit or just about any other goofy outfit should be prosecuted as child abuse.

six geese a-laying

6 days until Christmas!

meatloaf, smeatloaf, double-beatloaf

I hate meatloaf. Those were the words of Randy Parker, not mine. In fact, I don't mind a good meatloaf. That being said, school meatloaf was never good. In fact, I'm not so sure that it was ever meat. Anyway, meatloaf is not on my list of foods I hate. But I do have a list. Here are some of the items that made the list when I was a kid (and still make the list to this day):

1. Lamb - I hate the taste of lamb. I know so many people who love it. It makes me want to vomit. No thanks. Lambchops should be singing songs that never end, not being eaten.
2. Squash - I am not sure what it is about squash, but I hate it. It could be the consistency, but it may also just be the flavor. It's likely a combination of the two.
3. Brocolli Casserole - My mother used to always make it. Yuck!
4. Corned Beef and Cabbage - I love corned beef but hate cabbage!!! Cabbage smells bad, looks bad, feels bad, and tastes bad.
5. Liver - Not a fan.

Now on to some foods that I loved as a kid (and though they're not necessarily my current favorites, I still like them):

1. Salmon Pea Wiggle - I believe some people call it Salmon a la King or something like that. It's a creamy gravy-type thing with salmon and peas and is served over crackers.
2. American Chop Suey - A macaroni dish that is everything a kid loves about food.
3. Hot Dogs - I ate hot dogs for most meals.
4. Fluffanutters - I can't believe some schools have banned these.
5. Pizza - I mean, what kid doesn't love pizza.

There are some things that I hated as a kid, but enjoy now as an adult. One such example of this is sweet potato. I also like green beans more as an adult. Still, I don't mind a good meatloaf. I'm just happy that I'm past the point in life where I have to eat in a school cafeteria.

seven swans a-swimming

7 days until Christmas!

i looked like randy parker

Seriously though, who didn't. I remember being so bulky that I could barely move. I would wear snow pants over my regular pants, a million pairs of socks, a scarf, a hat, a coat, and mittens. I almost always wore mittens rather than gloves, which made it so much harder to do almost anything. I was always bundled up though. I was not going to catch cold. I also don't think I would have been injured if I was hit by a car. And then, there were two types of mittens little kids used to always wear:

1. High-strung - These were the mittens that were connected by a long piece of yarn or whatever. The yarn would go through your sleeves and around your back. This way if you took your mittens off or if they fell off, your couldn't lose them. They were also quite fashionable. This is the type of mittens I always had as a little kid.
2. Clip-ons - These were the mittens that individually clipped onto the end of your coat sleeve. They stayed clipped on so that, again, if they fell off or your took them off, they wouldn't get lost. Not nearly as sure-proof a system as the string though.

I still have seen some kids with the mittens on a string, but they're not as prevalent as they were when I was a kid.

As I think about how I looked on a cold winter's morn, can somebody explain to me what the point was for the little fluffy ball on top of winter hats. I mean, were they really that cool looking and fashionable that your hat needed to have one?

Anyway, I don't quite bundle up like I used to. Still if anyone knows where I can buy adult mittens on a string, please send me that info.

eight maids a-milking

8 days until Christmas!

i double-dog-dare ya!

In past posts, I have alluded to the fact that people are generally prideful. What amazes me, however, is how young this sense of pride is developed in us. Kids are super competitive and hate the idea of losing at anything. I always have to call kids out when I see them cheat at a game. They are too proud to lose. Another area where this is evident is how kids always dare each other to do things. And usually the kid being dared actually does it! I mean, I was dared and even double-dog-dared as a kid. And I'm sure I went through with the dare every time. Why? Because my pride wouldn't allow me to be the pansy or wuss who backed out on a dare. Especially a dare as strong as a double-dog-dare. In fact, in college, that was one of the things people knew about me. I was the guy willing to do just about anything. Why? My pride. Hindsight being 20/20, I realize how silly that concept is. What would have really happened to me if I said no to a dare? Originally I may have been ridiculed, but eventually people would have forgotten about it. Nothing actually demanded or forced me going through with a dare except for my pride. I mean, most kids at some point play truth or dare. Some people always took truth. Some people always took dare. And once you took the dare, you did it no matter what. Why? What would have happened if you didn't do it? One of our students stuck her head in a toilet during truth or dare during our Youth Convention last year. I'm sorry, but you couldn't even pay me to do it. Sadly, when I was a kid, I probably would have done it too. Isn't it amazing what lengths we'll go to in order to maintain a solid sense of pride? I think it's ridiculous.

nine ladies dancing

9 days until Christmas!

you'll shoot your eye out

My parents used this phrase a lot for various things:

• "Don't throw things at your brother, you'll put his eye out!"
• "No roughhousing, you're liable to put someone's eye out!"
• "Don't stab your sister in the eye with a pencil, you could put her eye out!"

I mean, it was truly ridiculous. If you ate the last cookie, you could put someone's eye out with it. I think this is nothing more than a parents go-to phrase when they don't have a real reason why they don't want you doing something except they just don't want you to.

As I was thinking about this, I started thinking how parents make up a lot of excuses and erroneous facts as to why kids shouldn't do things. Here are some examples I thought of:

• "Listening to music is going to make you deaf!"
• "Sitting too close to the T.V. will make you blind (or get cancer)!"
• "Those icicles have been known to kill people!"
• "Eating too much candy will rot your teeth!"

Even though there is an element of truth to some of the things they say, parents seem to overexagurate to get their point across.

Now, if you are still a kid and reading this post, you still have to listen to your parents. They are looking out for what's best for you and mean well. They just might be using a little confabulation or hyperbole in the process.

ten lords a-leaping

10 days until Christmas!

connoisseur of soap

I, like Ralphie, was a connoisseur of soap as a kid. Any time my parents heard or found out that I used a bad word or even if I just talked back to them, I had my mouth washed out with soap. And let me tell you, that stuff was nasty. I loathe the taste even just thinking about it right now. And I, unlike Ralphie, never even used the mother of all bad words, the f-dash-dash-dash word! I do remember my parents going through a time when they eliminated the soap and used horse radish instead. The idea was to put something hot and unpleasant in our mouths in an attempt to make us think the next time before we said something bad, as a deterrent. What my parents didn't realize, however, was that my brother Jon and I actually liked the horse radish. When they would "punish" us for saying something bad, they were actually rewarding us. My parents of course figured this out when they saw my brother and I raiding the fridge, sneaking some of the delicious horse radish. (I admit that, in hindsight, sneaking horse radish may have been a little wierd.) I'm pretty sure that upon their discovery, the horse radish "punishment" was scrapped in favor of the soap again. Now if I go blind when I get older, my parents will only have themselves to blame!

eleven pipers piping

11 days until Christmas!

christmas is on its way

Lovely, glorious, beautiful Christmas, upon which the entire year revolves. That is a quote from Adult Ralphie in A Christmas Story. It is also the philosophy I have chosen to live by. For me (and even more so, my wife), the whole year revolves around Christmas. It is far and away the best time of year. As soon as Thanksgiving is over (and even before), we become completely immersed in Christmas and it brings back such awesome, amazing memories. Sometimes I wonder why Christmas is the best time of year. I mean, there are obviously a bunch of different things combining together to make it the best, but why do those things come together this time of year and not another? There's no other day (holiday or otherwise) during the year which gets this much attention. To a large degree, Christmas is undoubtedly commercialized, but for many of us, it also is very significant, fun, and meaningful. Many of my favorite movies are Christmas movies. Many of my favorite songs are Christmas songs. (In Boston, one station started playing them as soon as Halloween was over.) Many of my favorite memories are Christmas memories. Christmas is quite simply the best, for many reasons. So, from now until Christmas Eve, my blogs will be inspired from various quotes and scenes from my favorite Christmas movie, A Christmas Story. Not all of them will necessarily be Christmas related, but a majority of them will be. Enjoy the Christmas season! I know I will.

twelve drummers drumming

12 days until Christmas!

waiting instead of wasting

This is the theory I have regarding technology. I choose waiting over wasting. What do I mean by that? Let me explain. Technology is constantly improving. It's amazing to me how I always fall into the trap of thinking that they can never improve on a concept. Then, when I least expect it...BAM! They come out with something better. Take DVD players for example. There was a time when they were the new thing replacing VCR's. They cost so much at the time. People were spending hundreds for the new technology. I was not one of them. I waiting. And within a few years, I owned the technology for like $40. I thought DVD's were it. There's no way they could improve on that, right? Wrong. Now they have Blu Ray. I saw a Blu Ray Player on sale the other day for a couple hundred dollars. I bought a nice, brand new DVD player for $25. Instead of wasting money on the latest technology, I just wait for the prices of the "old" technology to drop when something new comes out. I save so much money. I'm a little behind, but better off for it. That's why I waited for the PS3 to come out before I owned a PS2. Why should I waste my money? No reason I can think of. Have your technology. I'll keep my cash.

me and billy blanks are friends

A few years ago, I had put on some major weight and decided to shed a few pounds. I had no idea of what weight loss program or exercise regiment to try because it was the first time in my life I was overweight. I saw a lot of infomercials offering various products and exercise routines to help shed the pounds, but I know how much of a gimmick most of those are. But for some reason, one stood out. It was a Tae Bo infomercial. And no matter how cheesy he is, I bought into the concept and ordered some workout videos. I have never tried another program. I mean, I've purchased new Tae Bo videos, but never any outside of the Billy Blanks collection. Actually, my boss tried to get me to try Hip Hop Abs, but I couldn't take that guy seriously and shut it off less than 10 minutes in. Anyway, when I'm actually faithfully and consistently doing the Tae Bo routine, I shed weight and feel great. Consistency is the thing I need to work on the most, however. Anyway, it's the first and only time I've ever actually ordered something I've seen in an infomercial. And I can honestly say that I'm glad I did. I wasn't disappointed. He is really cheesy though. Polly and I actually get a good chuckle out of the video from time to time. But if you're looking for a workout routine, check it out.

i'm offended

Offended is the most overused and least understood word in the English language. I get so frustrated how people constantly misuse this term. It seems that everyone claims to be offended by everything these days. If it's not along the line of their belief system or doesn't benefit them in some way, people pull the offended card out. This is the perfect time of year to illustrate to point. Everyone is offended by Christmas decorations or trees or songs. In fact, some even claim to be offended by the very word "Christmas." It's absolutely ridiculous. Some schools have actually banned Christmas songs from "Holiday" presentations. Some city halls have barred nativity seasons. Some stores refer to Christmas trees simply as "family trees." Why all these changes? Because someone claimed to be offended. It's absurd. Now, I'm not Jewish, yet if I walk into a business and see a menorah, I am far from offended. Just because I don't celebrate a holiday doesn't mean I have to be offended by items taht represent them. I'm just so fed up with the term "offended." People seriously need to cut back on the exagerations.

i'll cookie you

Parents sometimes use the silliest of phrases. When they get mad or frustrated with their kids, they tend to turn everything into a statement against the kids. Let me give an example to illustrate my point: Kid: "Can I have a cookie?" Frustrated Parent: "I'll cookie you!" What does that even mean anyway? What does cookie-ing someone consist of exactly? I mean, it's not only cookies that this works with. You can insert any word into this phrase or concept. There's also another way parents can tend to phrase this. Here's another example: Kid: "Can I have a cookie?" Frustrated Parent: "Oh, I'll give you a cookie, alright!" Again, what does this mean? Are you really offering to give me the cookie? Because that's what I want. Of course they're not actually offering the cookie. It's just their crazy way of letting us know they're mad at us or something. I wish they were really just offering the cookie.

tooth fairy inflation

Along with all the other inflation this world has been facing, I guess I shouldn't be surprised that it's affected the tooth fairy business too. Apparently kids these days get like $5 or more for a tooth. When I was a kid, I was lucky to get 50 cents for a tooth. I don't know how parents can afford these inflationary tooth costs. There should be some sort of tooth fairy insurance agency which covers parents for these things. Maybe I should start that industry. In a few years, it could be a real money maker. Seriously though, I wonder what other things have been affected by inflation. I mean, are kids making $20 a week in allowance these days? I only got allowance for a small stretch of my life. For the most part, my parents made me do chores because it was part of my responsibility as a member the family. I used to get a quarter for every matchbook I used to find and give to my parents. It was my parents way of insuring that I wasn't playing with fire. I bet I could get a couple of bucks for a matchbook in this day, even with the economy being what it is. Of course, I guess they need more money since the things they want to buy cost more. It seems the only thing not going up is my paycheck.

the original white gold

White gold is such a popular option for jewelry these days. All the jewelry I've bought for my wife is made with white gold. It's kind of annoying to need to have white gold items re-rhodium plated, but white gold looks so nice that it's worth it. Before this big white gold jewelry phase, my brother and I used to use the term "white gold" to refer to something different...snow. We always referred to snow as white gold because we made so much money shoveling the stuff. I mean, it was common for kids to get off their lazy butts and make their own money. And during snow storms, that's exactly what we did. We would hope for snow days, not so we could play in the snow all day, but so we could go out and make money. We used to go to this neighborhood of town houses that had one little parking space and small walkway, and get paid $20 apiece for it. It would take us no more than 20 minutes. It was quick, easy money. We did lots of shoveling during the course of one snow storm. I remember coming home one day with more than $1000 between us. In fact, it may have actually been closer to $1500. We didn't always bring home that much money, but we always made at least hundreds. Why is it that I never see kids walking around shoveling people's houses any more? Are parents more worried about letting their kids walk around as a result of our depraved world or are kids just more lazy now than they used to be? I think it's probably a combination of the two.

i want a hippopotamus for christmas

I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas is a song that was originally sung in 1953 by Gayla Peevey. The song has recently been redone by The Jonas Brothers, giving it it's current relative popularity. In fact, I just heard the song for the first time the other day. The big problem with the song is that it's got one of those tunes that sticks in your head. Since I've heard it, I cannot get it out of my head. If you're willing to take that risk, you can hear the original version of the song here. I hate it when I get a song stuck in my head. The worst part is that it's extremely contagious. For example, I went home singing that song. Within a few minutes Polly couldn't stop singing it. Hearing Polly singing it kept it stuck in my head. In this way, the cycle is constantly being perpetuated. There are plenty of songs that this happens with. The weird thing is, however, that they're almost never songs I actually enjoy. Why is it that the songs you actually like are never the ones that get stuck in your head? It's probably for the better because you usually begin to loathe the songs you can't get out of the ol' noggin.

ms paint

My old computer had Photoshop before it kicked the bucket. My new one does not. So I have found myself doing much of my video editing on MS Paint. Has anyone else realized how absolutely pathetic that program is. No matter how hard I try, things come out grainy and imperfect. Not only that, but it takes 10 times as long to make something look 10 times worse. That is math that simply doesn't add up. Yet, I have found that I still enjoy using MS Paint, even with all its problems. I love redoing pictures in MS Paint. Below is a photo and MS Paint version of one of my students with his painting:

Perfect? No. Good for MS Paint? I think so. Why don't they just make MS Paint better though? Why should I have to spend over $1000 if I want to get a program that edits pictures better? The easy answer is that I shouldn't, and I won't. In fact, I never paid for the old one.

I guess I'm just frustrated that the outrageous pricing of Photoshop and poor graphics of MS Paint have forced me between an ethical rock and hard place. That to me is simply ridiculous.

the office

As I sit watching the television show The Office, I cannot help but laugh. Not because the show is so uncontrollably funny (which it is), but because the show is so ridiculously accurate. I mean, though they exaggerate the situations and circumstances, they are picking on things which really happen in a real working environment. This is true also for the movie Office Space and the cartoon Dilbert. They all use exaggerated accounts of stupid things that really go on. For example, there are really a lot of dumb, pointless, time-wasting meetings in the work place. I haven't been in too many of them, but I've been in some. They point of the meeting (or lack thereof) may vary, but may be one of the following:

• The "I'm Awesome" Meeting - This is a meeting which allows the meeting's leader to pat himself/herself on the back and let you know how amazing he/she is. This is the real reason for most end of the year/year review meetings.
• The "We Need a Meeting" Meeting - I've known meetings like this where the whole point of the meeting is to plan for when you will have meetings for different things. It's absurd to plan a meeting, during which you will plan the actual meeting you need.
• The "I'm Hungry" Meeting - These are the bogus meetings that exist just for the excuse of having catering brought in because the people in the meeting want to eat. They happen.
• The "We Need to Look Like We're Accomplishing Something" Meeting - As the name indicates, these are the meetings which are scheduled just so the people in the meeting look busy and like they're accomplishing something for the company.

That list is obvious not extensive, but I think they're the top reasons for meetings.

The other thing which is funny and true is the whole office/cubicle situation. An office is not only a location from which to work, but it is also a statement of who you are in the company. The "big wigs" will have the nice, spacious corner office. The "peasants" will have a cubicle. Where I work, there are empty offices which will remain empty until somebody moves up to command such a space. And then, if you actually get one with a window, you must really be a somebody. Scott Adams once relayed a story in one of his Dilbert books about an individual was given an office with a window because the company had run out of space and had nowhere else to put him. When he went to move in, they had installed a cubicle inside the office covering the window.

I know that to a large extent, The Office is funny because it's far-fetched. But it may not be as far fetched as one might think.

denial's more than just a river in egypt

Why is it that people often choose denial as their first method of defense? I know people that will deny any wrong doing no matter how blatant or obvious the wrong doing is. Why is it so hard for people to fess up to making a mistake? Are we really that prideful? The easy and obvious answer to that rhetorical question is yes. People are truly that prideful. I can see no other reason why denial would be such a common defense. Aside from denial being a proud reaction, it also makes an assumption that can be quite offensive when you really look at it. When a person simply denies the obvious, they are assuming that you are dumb, ignorant, and/or stupid enough to buy the denial. They're basically saying, "You're such a big idiot that I can easily pull the wool over your eyes and deny doing the very thing that you just witnessed me doing. In fact, you'll probably forget you even saw me you moron. What's it like to be so stupid? Loser." I don't know about the rest of you, but I find that offensive. So next time you choose to deny doing something to somebody who watched you do it, think about what you're really saying to that person, and how offensive it is...not to mention how silly and ridiculous you make yourself look.

isn't it ironic? actually, no

When Alanis Morissette came out with the song Ironic it always seemed to me that the real irony was how almost nothing she mentioned in the song was actually ironic, so much as it was bad luck. I mean, under more specific circumstances, some of the situations could have been ironic. But the only one I really thought was an example of irony was when the guy waited his whole life to fly and when he finally did, he crashed. This makes me think of one of my favorite real life examples of irony. A couple of years ago, we had a big party for my father's 50th birthday. (I flew home from school for the weekend so I could go. What a hectic weekend that was.) One of the gifts my father got was a nice pair of jumper cables. They were really long (so they could reach to the battery of the car from a car pulled up behind it). My brother Jonathan was laughing at the gift. He couldn't believe someone would give those cables as a gift. He made a comment to my father about it, which my father dismissed. After the party my brother went to start his car, but his battery was dead. And wouldn't you know it, he was parked in a particular way where the only way he could get a jump was if someone had a long pair of cables. Thinking about that still makes me laugh. Now that's irony. Rain on your wedding day...not so much.

rooting for the "wrong" side

Lately I've been catching up on Prison Break. I thought season 1 was one of the best seasons of any show ever. The other seasons are mildly entertaining and I keep watching, but nothing will top the first season. And the reason for that is because season 1 was a complex prison break. It was so well written and well thought out. I have always loved prison break movies, which explains my appeal to the show. Escape from Alcatraz and Count of Monte Cristo are two of my all time favorites. And in both the movies and the television show, I find myself rooting for the "bad" guys. I root for the escape to happen! I like to think that the guys from Alcatraz (based on a true story) survived the bay and got away! It made me think, I root for the "wrong" side a lot. And I think most people do. I mean, when someone is guilty of a serious crime that hurts someone I hope they are caught and prosecuted to the full extent of the law. But I would be lying if I said that I never rooted for the "bad" guys. I don't think I'm alone in this, but maybe I am. I mean, am I crazy?