vacation: day four

Day 4 and I'm just about ready to return. In fact, I'll be back tomorrow. My apologies to Cassidy who I have clearly let down badly. Have a safe and happy new year everyone!

vacation: day three

Still busy. Which reminds me. When I come off blog vacation I'll have to tell you the story of my 2nd grade teacher Ms. Ward. Classic.

vacation: day two

If you're reading this post, it has been pre-generated and it means that I am still on blog vacation. I apologize for any inconvenience and feel bad for you if this is a big part of your day. I may return soon. We'll see...

blog vacation

This is a great time of year! Also a busy one. So, I will be taking a blog vacation. I'll let you know when I'm writing again! Happy and safe New Year everyone!

mall kiosks

I would like to take a second to plug what appears to be a very funny movie coming out in January - Paul Blart: Mall Cop. I think Kevin James is hilarious. For the record, the movie was filmed at the Burlington Mall right here in Massachusetts. I wish I had known that at the time, as I would love to be in a Kevin James movie. Anyway, let's get to the actual point of this post. I love the going to the mall. I always have and I probably always will. As a kid, I always thought it best to go to the Cambridge Side Galleria, but usually ended up at Meadow Glen or Liberty Tree or Burlington. When I got older, the Square One Mall became the place to go...easily the 3rd worst mall I've ever been to (with the Auburn Mall being the worst and the Greendale Mall being the second worst). These days, I do most of my shopping at the Solomon Pond Mall. Enough about that, anyway, onto the point of my post. One of the things that I don't like so much about a trip to the mall is the existence of annoying mall kiosks. I pretty much hate all mall kiosks, though I couldn't imagine a mall without them anymore. The mall would feel empty. Regardless what's being sold, the kiosk folks try to annoy you into purchases their products. It's so frustrating. No I would not like you to rub lotion on my arm! Aside from the naturally annoyingness of mall kiosks, my brother brought up a solid point the other day. Some kiosks should not be allowed. Example: Backrub Kiosk. Seriously, nobody wants to watch you getting a backrub. It's really awkward. I could not imagine sitting in that chair getting a backrub. There are others that are wierd and creepy. I cannot think of them as I write them, but you know what they are. I would also like to take this opportunity to ask why people pay $1 to sit in the vibrating chairs they now place in the malls. Do people not realize that most malls have a Brookstone in it and you can use their massage chairs for free. What a waste of money.

contemplating retirement

Naturally I wish I could retire from my job, but that's not what I'm talking about. I'm contemplating retirement from my blog. I've been writing blogs for a couple of months and have had fun with it, no doubt about it. But, things get old after a while. What do you think? Should I retire? It won't be for a little while, even if I do, so keep checking it out until you hear the official announcement. Anyway, while on the topic of retirement, it's sad to know that I will have no shot at retirement when I turn 65. The age may be 75 by the time I reach that age, and let's face it, we all know that there will be no money there for us to collect from the government. I pay for other peoples' social security now, but won't see it on the other side when I'm old and gray. Anyone out there around my age or younger, enjoy freedom while you have it and be prepared to have a job for years and years to come. My generation really drew the short straw on this one.

reason for the season

I don't usually have serious posts, and when I do I usually make them an extra post and mark them as a special edition (se). I originally intended to do the same with this blog entry, but decided that it needed to be my main post for the day. We often hear about the "reason for the season," but it's usually as an aside. We can get so wrapped up in gift giving and time with family that it's easy to forget what Christmas is really all about. It's a time that we can reflect and think about how God became man so that he could ultimately die on the cross to pay for our sins. Jesus could have never died on the cross if he had not first been born into the world. We should be so grateful to God for this ultimate Christmas gift. Below is the account of the birth of Christ from the Gospel according to Luke, chapter 2. Please take the time to read this to remind yourself of why we are celebrating Christmas this day: 1In those days Caesar Augustus issued a decree that a census should be taken of the entire Roman world. 2(This was the first census that took place while Quirinius was governor of Syria.) 3And everyone went to his own town to register. 4So Joseph also went up from the town of Nazareth in Galilee to Judea, to Bethlehem the town of David, because he belonged to the house and line of David. 5He went there to register with Mary, who was pledged to be married to him and was expecting a child. 6While they were there, the time came for the baby to be born, 7and she gave birth to her firstborn, a son. She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn. The Shepherds and the Angels 8And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. 9An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. 10But the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. 11Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord. 12This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger." 13Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying, 14"Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace to men on whom his favor rests." 15When the angels had left them and gone into heaven, the shepherds said to one another, "Let's go to Bethlehem and see this thing that has happened, which the Lord has told us about." 16So they hurried off and found Mary and Joseph, and the baby, who was lying in the manger. 17When they had seen him, they spread the word concerning what had been told them about this child, 18and all who heard it were amazed at what the shepherds said to them. 19But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart. 20The shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things they had heard and seen, which were just as they had been told. Jesus Presented in the Temple 21On the eighth day, when it was time to circumcise him, he was named Jesus, the name the angel had given him before he had been conceived. 22When the time of their purification according to the Law of Moses had been completed, Joseph and Mary took him to Jerusalem to present him to the Lord 23(as it is written in the Law of the Lord, "Every firstborn male is to be consecrated to the Lord"), 24and to offer a sacrifice in keeping with what is said in the Law of the Lord: "a pair of doves or two young pigeons." 25Now there was a man in Jerusalem called Simeon, who was righteous and devout. He was waiting for the consolation of Israel, and the Holy Spirit was upon him. 26It had been revealed to him by the Holy Spirit that he would not die before he had seen the Lord's Christ. 27Moved by the Spirit, he went into the temple courts. When the parents brought in the child Jesus to do for him what the custom of the Law required, 28Simeon took him in his arms and praised God, saying: 29"Sovereign Lord, as you have promised, you now dismiss your servant in peace. 30For my eyes have seen your salvation, 31which you have prepared in the sight of all people, 32a light for revelation to the Gentiles and for glory to your people Israel." 33The child's father and mother marveled at what was said about him. 34Then Simeon blessed them and said to Mary, his mother: "This child is destined to cause the falling and rising of many in Israel, and to be a sign that will be spoken against, 35so that the thoughts of many hearts will be revealed. And a sword will pierce your own soul too." 36There was also a prophetess, Anna, the daughter of Phanuel, of the tribe of Asher. She was very old; she had lived with her husband seven years after her marriage, 37and then was a widow until she was eighty-four. he never left the temple but worshiped night and day, fasting and praying. 38Coming up to them at that very moment, she gave thanks to God and spoke about the child to all who were looking forward to the redemption of Jerusalem. 39When Joseph and Mary had done everything required by the Law of the Lord, they returned to Galilee to their own town of Nazareth. 40And the child grew and became strong; he was filled with wisdom, and the grace of God was upon him.

feliz navidad!

the airforce has spotted santa over d.c.

I never really believed in Santa Claus as a kid. At least, my parents never taught me about him. But I do remember a time when I thought he might be real. The one time during the season I was made to believe in Santa. Tonight I will be going to my aunt's house for Christmas Eve. The reason for this...it's tradition. My family has been spending Christmas Eve at Auntie's for years. When I was younger, Auntie lived at Hanscom Air Force Base in Bedford, MA. Thus, that's where we would go every Christmas Eve. And that was where I would believe in Santa. We would be having a fun time opening presents from Auntie and playing with our new toys when a message would come over the radio at the AFB. The message was essentially, if not precisely, the following: "Santa has just been spotted on radar over Washington D.C." He was already at Washington D.C. We need to go home and get to bed now! If he's heading toward the Northeast U.S., he'll be in Boston in no time. That was our queue to leave and go to bed. And that's what we did. Have a safe, fun Christmas Eve everyone. And let me know if you spot Santa over D.C. so I can get to bed!

a partridge in a pear tree

1 day until Christmas!

a christmas story

I love Christmas movies! They're my favorite. And following is the list of my favorites. My favorite comedy Christmas movies are: 1. A Christmas Story - Classic and hilarious. 2. National Lampoons Christmas Vacation - see above. 3. Elf - Smiling's my favorite. 4. Home Alone and Home Alone 2 - I can proudly say that I've never any movie past the first two, but those ones were great. My favorite animated Christmas movies are: 1. A Charlie Brown Christmas - I love the way the kids dance. 2. How the Grinch Stole Christmas - I hated the Jim Carey version, but the cartoon is awesome. 3. Santa Claus is Coming to Town 4. Rudolf My favorite dramatic Christmas movie is: 1. It's a Wonderful Life There are so many more great movies, but these are my favorite. I think I'm going to go watch a few of these now.

two turtle doves

2 days until Christmas!

official red ryder, carbine action, two-hundred shot range model air rifle

I think everyone has at least one gift that stands out as the most memorable from one's childhood. Some have a couple that really stand out. I have a few that I loved more than any other and remember to this day. One was a present I actually asked for and one was a present I didn't. 1. My parents always did a pretty good job picking out gifts on their own. I don't really remember ever having much input or asking for anything specific very often. One such gift my parents picked out was a dinosaur. I used to love dinosaurs (as a typical young boy). One Christmas was completely dinosaur themed. My favorite dinosaur toy was a giant inflatable dinosaur that had a remote control. It was bigger than me I think. It was awesome. 2. The one time I do remember actually wanting a specific toy very badly and actually asking for it (and getting it) was a voice activated toy car. You could tell the car what to do and it would listen. For example, if you said "get over here" it would start driving forward. I don't remember the name of it, but I loved that car. In other news, I've discovered something recently about presents. When I was a kid, I couldn't wait to see what presents I got for Christmas. Getting presents was the coolest. And then the rest of Christmas, playing with presents was the coolest. I don't know when the transition took place, but as I got older, I began appreciating giving gifts more. Nothing beats seeing the face of the person opening a gift you gave them. I imagine that the feeling will increase as a parent when seeing the joy of my child. Regardless, there was a point where, without even knowing it, I learned that it truly is better to give than to receive. Feel free to let me know your favorite present growing up. I think it's always fun to see what other people wanted and got.

three french hens

3 days until Christmas!

not 'ra ra ra ra', 'la la la la'!

I love Christmas music! I love when radio stations start playing it 24/7. The Oldies station up here in Boston started playing it right after Halloween this year. I like singing old Christmas carols. In fact, when I was a kid, we would go caroling to nursing homes and such. One Christmas Eve, we randomly walked around my aunt's neighborhood and caroled randomly. Mostly I just love listening to Christmas music though. And I have, without a doubt, a top 3 Christmas albums list. I will listen to these 3 albums more than any other. 1. Merry Christmas - Mariah Carey There is simply none better. "All I Want for Christmas is You!" is stilled played everywhere you go. Even if I didn't have a crush on her as a boy, I still would have loved this album the most. It's one amazingly sung song after another.

2. Christmas Interpretations - Boyz II Men

Definitely the best boy band Christmas album. I loved it when they sang "Silent Night" on one episode of The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. I also love "Let it Snow" This is another album full of great songs sung by great singers.

3. My Kind of Christmas - Christina Aguilera

I may be in the minority, but I like Christina. I certainly don't care for her antics or clothing choices, but her voice is second only to Mariah Carey. And her Christmas album falls just below Mariah as well. My favorite song on her album is probably "Christmas Time" but I also like her version of "Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas" featuring Brian McKnight.

There are many other great Christmas albums, carols and songs, but these are my "can't live without" musical options each Christmas.

four calling birds

4 days until Christmas!

this isn't one of those trees where all the needles fall off, is it?

I can't help but think of Charlie Brown's tree when I think about this quote from the movie. What a sad pathetic tree that was. My friend Aaron actually has the Charlie Brown Christmas tree this year (see photo below).

Anyway, I never had a tree so pathetic as those. The major reason for this is that with the exception of maybe one (at most two) Christmases, we had a fake tree when I was growing up. I remember pulling the "tree" out of our crawl space and setting it up. We had to match the colors painting on the metal ends of the "branches" to the color painted on the holes they went into. It wasn't even really one of those fake trees that look real. It was completely fake, in every way.

Polly and I bought a real tree last year for our first Christmas together. It was a nice full tree that was perfect in almost every way. It was certainly not one of those sickly, pathetic trees.

Tree decorations is also a big deal. We alternated between an angel and a star for our tree when I was growing up. We always had candy canes and colored lights. It's funny because I used to love colored lights, but now i think white lights are much more classy. Anyway, Polly and I have a nice star for top our tree.

It's funny how when you grow up and move out on your own, you take some tradition with you and make some new ones of your own.

five golden rings

5 days until Christmas!

like a deranged easter bunny

Thankfully I never got stuck in such a hideous costume for a family photo. That being said, family photos were never a really big thing in my family anyway. My mother or siblings may correct me on this one, but I never recall posing for a family Christmas picture. Nor do I recall my parents ever sending a Christmas card with a family picture on it. Of course, we like most families did take family photos, just not for the holidays. And like I'm sure is also true for most families, family photo time was always hectic. There was always complaining and arguing. Not to mention the fact that we could never get a picture where we all looked normal or good. We have one picture where everyone looks normal except for me, because I wasn't smiling. That's common for me in pictures anyway. These days, it's so rare that everyone in my family is even together, so pictures are rarer to come by. The last family shot we have is from my wedding. Here's an old professional photo of us kids. Probably the best family photo we ever took:

I think I ended up with the best outfit here. (I'm the littlest one sitting down in the rocking chair.) I also thankful that our parents didn't dress us up in any "cute" costumes. I think putting a kid in a pink bunny outfit or just about any other goofy outfit should be prosecuted as child abuse.

six geese a-laying

6 days until Christmas!

meatloaf, smeatloaf, double-beatloaf

I hate meatloaf. Those were the words of Randy Parker, not mine. In fact, I don't mind a good meatloaf. That being said, school meatloaf was never good. In fact, I'm not so sure that it was ever meat. Anyway, meatloaf is not on my list of foods I hate. But I do have a list. Here are some of the items that made the list when I was a kid (and still make the list to this day):

1. Lamb - I hate the taste of lamb. I know so many people who love it. It makes me want to vomit. No thanks. Lambchops should be singing songs that never end, not being eaten.
2. Squash - I am not sure what it is about squash, but I hate it. It could be the consistency, but it may also just be the flavor. It's likely a combination of the two.
3. Brocolli Casserole - My mother used to always make it. Yuck!
4. Corned Beef and Cabbage - I love corned beef but hate cabbage!!! Cabbage smells bad, looks bad, feels bad, and tastes bad.
5. Liver - Not a fan.

Now on to some foods that I loved as a kid (and though they're not necessarily my current favorites, I still like them):

1. Salmon Pea Wiggle - I believe some people call it Salmon a la King or something like that. It's a creamy gravy-type thing with salmon and peas and is served over crackers.
2. American Chop Suey - A macaroni dish that is everything a kid loves about food.
3. Hot Dogs - I ate hot dogs for most meals.
4. Fluffanutters - I can't believe some schools have banned these.
5. Pizza - I mean, what kid doesn't love pizza.

There are some things that I hated as a kid, but enjoy now as an adult. One such example of this is sweet potato. I also like green beans more as an adult. Still, I don't mind a good meatloaf. I'm just happy that I'm past the point in life where I have to eat in a school cafeteria.

seven swans a-swimming

7 days until Christmas!

i looked like randy parker

Seriously though, who didn't. I remember being so bulky that I could barely move. I would wear snow pants over my regular pants, a million pairs of socks, a scarf, a hat, a coat, and mittens. I almost always wore mittens rather than gloves, which made it so much harder to do almost anything. I was always bundled up though. I was not going to catch cold. I also don't think I would have been injured if I was hit by a car. And then, there were two types of mittens little kids used to always wear:

1. High-strung - These were the mittens that were connected by a long piece of yarn or whatever. The yarn would go through your sleeves and around your back. This way if you took your mittens off or if they fell off, your couldn't lose them. They were also quite fashionable. This is the type of mittens I always had as a little kid.
2. Clip-ons - These were the mittens that individually clipped onto the end of your coat sleeve. They stayed clipped on so that, again, if they fell off or your took them off, they wouldn't get lost. Not nearly as sure-proof a system as the string though.

I still have seen some kids with the mittens on a string, but they're not as prevalent as they were when I was a kid.

As I think about how I looked on a cold winter's morn, can somebody explain to me what the point was for the little fluffy ball on top of winter hats. I mean, were they really that cool looking and fashionable that your hat needed to have one?

Anyway, I don't quite bundle up like I used to. Still if anyone knows where I can buy adult mittens on a string, please send me that info.

eight maids a-milking

8 days until Christmas!

i double-dog-dare ya!

In past posts, I have alluded to the fact that people are generally prideful. What amazes me, however, is how young this sense of pride is developed in us. Kids are super competitive and hate the idea of losing at anything. I always have to call kids out when I see them cheat at a game. They are too proud to lose. Another area where this is evident is how kids always dare each other to do things. And usually the kid being dared actually does it! I mean, I was dared and even double-dog-dared as a kid. And I'm sure I went through with the dare every time. Why? Because my pride wouldn't allow me to be the pansy or wuss who backed out on a dare. Especially a dare as strong as a double-dog-dare. In fact, in college, that was one of the things people knew about me. I was the guy willing to do just about anything. Why? My pride. Hindsight being 20/20, I realize how silly that concept is. What would have really happened to me if I said no to a dare? Originally I may have been ridiculed, but eventually people would have forgotten about it. Nothing actually demanded or forced me going through with a dare except for my pride. I mean, most kids at some point play truth or dare. Some people always took truth. Some people always took dare. And once you took the dare, you did it no matter what. Why? What would have happened if you didn't do it? One of our students stuck her head in a toilet during truth or dare during our Youth Convention last year. I'm sorry, but you couldn't even pay me to do it. Sadly, when I was a kid, I probably would have done it too. Isn't it amazing what lengths we'll go to in order to maintain a solid sense of pride? I think it's ridiculous.

nine ladies dancing

9 days until Christmas!

you'll shoot your eye out

My parents used this phrase a lot for various things:

• "Don't throw things at your brother, you'll put his eye out!"
• "No roughhousing, you're liable to put someone's eye out!"
• "Don't stab your sister in the eye with a pencil, you could put her eye out!"

I mean, it was truly ridiculous. If you ate the last cookie, you could put someone's eye out with it. I think this is nothing more than a parents go-to phrase when they don't have a real reason why they don't want you doing something except they just don't want you to.

As I was thinking about this, I started thinking how parents make up a lot of excuses and erroneous facts as to why kids shouldn't do things. Here are some examples I thought of:

• "Listening to music is going to make you deaf!"
• "Sitting too close to the T.V. will make you blind (or get cancer)!"
• "Those icicles have been known to kill people!"
• "Eating too much candy will rot your teeth!"

Even though there is an element of truth to some of the things they say, parents seem to overexagurate to get their point across.

Now, if you are still a kid and reading this post, you still have to listen to your parents. They are looking out for what's best for you and mean well. They just might be using a little confabulation or hyperbole in the process.

ten lords a-leaping

10 days until Christmas!

connoisseur of soap

I, like Ralphie, was a connoisseur of soap as a kid. Any time my parents heard or found out that I used a bad word or even if I just talked back to them, I had my mouth washed out with soap. And let me tell you, that stuff was nasty. I loathe the taste even just thinking about it right now. And I, unlike Ralphie, never even used the mother of all bad words, the f-dash-dash-dash word! I do remember my parents going through a time when they eliminated the soap and used horse radish instead. The idea was to put something hot and unpleasant in our mouths in an attempt to make us think the next time before we said something bad, as a deterrent. What my parents didn't realize, however, was that my brother Jon and I actually liked the horse radish. When they would "punish" us for saying something bad, they were actually rewarding us. My parents of course figured this out when they saw my brother and I raiding the fridge, sneaking some of the delicious horse radish. (I admit that, in hindsight, sneaking horse radish may have been a little wierd.) I'm pretty sure that upon their discovery, the horse radish "punishment" was scrapped in favor of the soap again. Now if I go blind when I get older, my parents will only have themselves to blame!

eleven pipers piping

11 days until Christmas!

christmas is on its way

Lovely, glorious, beautiful Christmas, upon which the entire year revolves. That is a quote from Adult Ralphie in A Christmas Story. It is also the philosophy I have chosen to live by. For me (and even more so, my wife), the whole year revolves around Christmas. It is far and away the best time of year. As soon as Thanksgiving is over (and even before), we become completely immersed in Christmas and it brings back such awesome, amazing memories. Sometimes I wonder why Christmas is the best time of year. I mean, there are obviously a bunch of different things combining together to make it the best, but why do those things come together this time of year and not another? There's no other day (holiday or otherwise) during the year which gets this much attention. To a large degree, Christmas is undoubtedly commercialized, but for many of us, it also is very significant, fun, and meaningful. Many of my favorite movies are Christmas movies. Many of my favorite songs are Christmas songs. (In Boston, one station started playing them as soon as Halloween was over.) Many of my favorite memories are Christmas memories. Christmas is quite simply the best, for many reasons. So, from now until Christmas Eve, my blogs will be inspired from various quotes and scenes from my favorite Christmas movie, A Christmas Story. Not all of them will necessarily be Christmas related, but a majority of them will be. Enjoy the Christmas season! I know I will.

twelve drummers drumming

12 days until Christmas!

waiting instead of wasting

This is the theory I have regarding technology. I choose waiting over wasting. What do I mean by that? Let me explain. Technology is constantly improving. It's amazing to me how I always fall into the trap of thinking that they can never improve on a concept. Then, when I least expect it...BAM! They come out with something better. Take DVD players for example. There was a time when they were the new thing replacing VCR's. They cost so much at the time. People were spending hundreds for the new technology. I was not one of them. I waiting. And within a few years, I owned the technology for like $40. I thought DVD's were it. There's no way they could improve on that, right? Wrong. Now they have Blu Ray. I saw a Blu Ray Player on sale the other day for a couple hundred dollars. I bought a nice, brand new DVD player for $25. Instead of wasting money on the latest technology, I just wait for the prices of the "old" technology to drop when something new comes out. I save so much money. I'm a little behind, but better off for it. That's why I waited for the PS3 to come out before I owned a PS2. Why should I waste my money? No reason I can think of. Have your technology. I'll keep my cash.

me and billy blanks are friends

A few years ago, I had put on some major weight and decided to shed a few pounds. I had no idea of what weight loss program or exercise regiment to try because it was the first time in my life I was overweight. I saw a lot of infomercials offering various products and exercise routines to help shed the pounds, but I know how much of a gimmick most of those are. But for some reason, one stood out. It was a Tae Bo infomercial. And no matter how cheesy he is, I bought into the concept and ordered some workout videos. I have never tried another program. I mean, I've purchased new Tae Bo videos, but never any outside of the Billy Blanks collection. Actually, my boss tried to get me to try Hip Hop Abs, but I couldn't take that guy seriously and shut it off less than 10 minutes in. Anyway, when I'm actually faithfully and consistently doing the Tae Bo routine, I shed weight and feel great. Consistency is the thing I need to work on the most, however. Anyway, it's the first and only time I've ever actually ordered something I've seen in an infomercial. And I can honestly say that I'm glad I did. I wasn't disappointed. He is really cheesy though. Polly and I actually get a good chuckle out of the video from time to time. But if you're looking for a workout routine, check it out.

i'm offended

Offended is the most overused and least understood word in the English language. I get so frustrated how people constantly misuse this term. It seems that everyone claims to be offended by everything these days. If it's not along the line of their belief system or doesn't benefit them in some way, people pull the offended card out. This is the perfect time of year to illustrate to point. Everyone is offended by Christmas decorations or trees or songs. In fact, some even claim to be offended by the very word "Christmas." It's absolutely ridiculous. Some schools have actually banned Christmas songs from "Holiday" presentations. Some city halls have barred nativity seasons. Some stores refer to Christmas trees simply as "family trees." Why all these changes? Because someone claimed to be offended. It's absurd. Now, I'm not Jewish, yet if I walk into a business and see a menorah, I am far from offended. Just because I don't celebrate a holiday doesn't mean I have to be offended by items taht represent them. I'm just so fed up with the term "offended." People seriously need to cut back on the exagerations.

i'll cookie you

Parents sometimes use the silliest of phrases. When they get mad or frustrated with their kids, they tend to turn everything into a statement against the kids. Let me give an example to illustrate my point: Kid: "Can I have a cookie?" Frustrated Parent: "I'll cookie you!" What does that even mean anyway? What does cookie-ing someone consist of exactly? I mean, it's not only cookies that this works with. You can insert any word into this phrase or concept. There's also another way parents can tend to phrase this. Here's another example: Kid: "Can I have a cookie?" Frustrated Parent: "Oh, I'll give you a cookie, alright!" Again, what does this mean? Are you really offering to give me the cookie? Because that's what I want. Of course they're not actually offering the cookie. It's just their crazy way of letting us know they're mad at us or something. I wish they were really just offering the cookie.

tooth fairy inflation

Along with all the other inflation this world has been facing, I guess I shouldn't be surprised that it's affected the tooth fairy business too. Apparently kids these days get like $5 or more for a tooth. When I was a kid, I was lucky to get 50 cents for a tooth. I don't know how parents can afford these inflationary tooth costs. There should be some sort of tooth fairy insurance agency which covers parents for these things. Maybe I should start that industry. In a few years, it could be a real money maker. Seriously though, I wonder what other things have been affected by inflation. I mean, are kids making $20 a week in allowance these days? I only got allowance for a small stretch of my life. For the most part, my parents made me do chores because it was part of my responsibility as a member the family. I used to get a quarter for every matchbook I used to find and give to my parents. It was my parents way of insuring that I wasn't playing with fire. I bet I could get a couple of bucks for a matchbook in this day, even with the economy being what it is. Of course, I guess they need more money since the things they want to buy cost more. It seems the only thing not going up is my paycheck.

the original white gold

White gold is such a popular option for jewelry these days. All the jewelry I've bought for my wife is made with white gold. It's kind of annoying to need to have white gold items re-rhodium plated, but white gold looks so nice that it's worth it. Before this big white gold jewelry phase, my brother and I used to use the term "white gold" to refer to something different...snow. We always referred to snow as white gold because we made so much money shoveling the stuff. I mean, it was common for kids to get off their lazy butts and make their own money. And during snow storms, that's exactly what we did. We would hope for snow days, not so we could play in the snow all day, but so we could go out and make money. We used to go to this neighborhood of town houses that had one little parking space and small walkway, and get paid $20 apiece for it. It would take us no more than 20 minutes. It was quick, easy money. We did lots of shoveling during the course of one snow storm. I remember coming home one day with more than $1000 between us. In fact, it may have actually been closer to $1500. We didn't always bring home that much money, but we always made at least hundreds. Why is it that I never see kids walking around shoveling people's houses any more? Are parents more worried about letting their kids walk around as a result of our depraved world or are kids just more lazy now than they used to be? I think it's probably a combination of the two.

i want a hippopotamus for christmas

I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas is a song that was originally sung in 1953 by Gayla Peevey. The song has recently been redone by The Jonas Brothers, giving it it's current relative popularity. In fact, I just heard the song for the first time the other day. The big problem with the song is that it's got one of those tunes that sticks in your head. Since I've heard it, I cannot get it out of my head. If you're willing to take that risk, you can hear the original version of the song here. I hate it when I get a song stuck in my head. The worst part is that it's extremely contagious. For example, I went home singing that song. Within a few minutes Polly couldn't stop singing it. Hearing Polly singing it kept it stuck in my head. In this way, the cycle is constantly being perpetuated. There are plenty of songs that this happens with. The weird thing is, however, that they're almost never songs I actually enjoy. Why is it that the songs you actually like are never the ones that get stuck in your head? It's probably for the better because you usually begin to loathe the songs you can't get out of the ol' noggin.

ms paint

My old computer had Photoshop before it kicked the bucket. My new one does not. So I have found myself doing much of my video editing on MS Paint. Has anyone else realized how absolutely pathetic that program is. No matter how hard I try, things come out grainy and imperfect. Not only that, but it takes 10 times as long to make something look 10 times worse. That is math that simply doesn't add up. Yet, I have found that I still enjoy using MS Paint, even with all its problems. I love redoing pictures in MS Paint. Below is a photo and MS Paint version of one of my students with his painting:

Perfect? No. Good for MS Paint? I think so. Why don't they just make MS Paint better though? Why should I have to spend over $1000 if I want to get a program that edits pictures better? The easy answer is that I shouldn't, and I won't. In fact, I never paid for the old one.

I guess I'm just frustrated that the outrageous pricing of Photoshop and poor graphics of MS Paint have forced me between an ethical rock and hard place. That to me is simply ridiculous.

the office

As I sit watching the television show The Office, I cannot help but laugh. Not because the show is so uncontrollably funny (which it is), but because the show is so ridiculously accurate. I mean, though they exaggerate the situations and circumstances, they are picking on things which really happen in a real working environment. This is true also for the movie Office Space and the cartoon Dilbert. They all use exaggerated accounts of stupid things that really go on. For example, there are really a lot of dumb, pointless, time-wasting meetings in the work place. I haven't been in too many of them, but I've been in some. They point of the meeting (or lack thereof) may vary, but may be one of the following:

• The "I'm Awesome" Meeting - This is a meeting which allows the meeting's leader to pat himself/herself on the back and let you know how amazing he/she is. This is the real reason for most end of the year/year review meetings.
• The "We Need a Meeting" Meeting - I've known meetings like this where the whole point of the meeting is to plan for when you will have meetings for different things. It's absurd to plan a meeting, during which you will plan the actual meeting you need.
• The "I'm Hungry" Meeting - These are the bogus meetings that exist just for the excuse of having catering brought in because the people in the meeting want to eat. They happen.
• The "We Need to Look Like We're Accomplishing Something" Meeting - As the name indicates, these are the meetings which are scheduled just so the people in the meeting look busy and like they're accomplishing something for the company.

That list is obvious not extensive, but I think they're the top reasons for meetings.

The other thing which is funny and true is the whole office/cubicle situation. An office is not only a location from which to work, but it is also a statement of who you are in the company. The "big wigs" will have the nice, spacious corner office. The "peasants" will have a cubicle. Where I work, there are empty offices which will remain empty until somebody moves up to command such a space. And then, if you actually get one with a window, you must really be a somebody. Scott Adams once relayed a story in one of his Dilbert books about an individual was given an office with a window because the company had run out of space and had nowhere else to put him. When he went to move in, they had installed a cubicle inside the office covering the window.

I know that to a large extent, The Office is funny because it's far-fetched. But it may not be as far fetched as one might think.

denial's more than just a river in egypt

Why is it that people often choose denial as their first method of defense? I know people that will deny any wrong doing no matter how blatant or obvious the wrong doing is. Why is it so hard for people to fess up to making a mistake? Are we really that prideful? The easy and obvious answer to that rhetorical question is yes. People are truly that prideful. I can see no other reason why denial would be such a common defense. Aside from denial being a proud reaction, it also makes an assumption that can be quite offensive when you really look at it. When a person simply denies the obvious, they are assuming that you are dumb, ignorant, and/or stupid enough to buy the denial. They're basically saying, "You're such a big idiot that I can easily pull the wool over your eyes and deny doing the very thing that you just witnessed me doing. In fact, you'll probably forget you even saw me you moron. What's it like to be so stupid? Loser." I don't know about the rest of you, but I find that offensive. So next time you choose to deny doing something to somebody who watched you do it, think about what you're really saying to that person, and how offensive it is...not to mention how silly and ridiculous you make yourself look.

isn't it ironic? actually, no

When Alanis Morissette came out with the song Ironic it always seemed to me that the real irony was how almost nothing she mentioned in the song was actually ironic, so much as it was bad luck. I mean, under more specific circumstances, some of the situations could have been ironic. But the only one I really thought was an example of irony was when the guy waited his whole life to fly and when he finally did, he crashed. This makes me think of one of my favorite real life examples of irony. A couple of years ago, we had a big party for my father's 50th birthday. (I flew home from school for the weekend so I could go. What a hectic weekend that was.) One of the gifts my father got was a nice pair of jumper cables. They were really long (so they could reach to the battery of the car from a car pulled up behind it). My brother Jonathan was laughing at the gift. He couldn't believe someone would give those cables as a gift. He made a comment to my father about it, which my father dismissed. After the party my brother went to start his car, but his battery was dead. And wouldn't you know it, he was parked in a particular way where the only way he could get a jump was if someone had a long pair of cables. Thinking about that still makes me laugh. Now that's irony. Rain on your wedding day...not so much.

rooting for the "wrong" side

Lately I've been catching up on Prison Break. I thought season 1 was one of the best seasons of any show ever. The other seasons are mildly entertaining and I keep watching, but nothing will top the first season. And the reason for that is because season 1 was a complex prison break. It was so well written and well thought out. I have always loved prison break movies, which explains my appeal to the show. Escape from Alcatraz and Count of Monte Cristo are two of my all time favorites. And in both the movies and the television show, I find myself rooting for the "bad" guys. I root for the escape to happen! I like to think that the guys from Alcatraz (based on a true story) survived the bay and got away! It made me think, I root for the "wrong" side a lot. And I think most people do. I mean, when someone is guilty of a serious crime that hurts someone I hope they are caught and prosecuted to the full extent of the law. But I would be lying if I said that I never rooted for the "bad" guys. I don't think I'm alone in this, but maybe I am. I mean, am I crazy?

nosy by nature

People are so nosy. It comes so natural to us. And it shows itself in many different ways and in many different situations. Here are a few I could think of:

• The curiosity effect - This is the annoying one where people in their nosiness need to look and see what happened in a car accident, slowing down traffic. It's the reason the eastbound side of a highway is backed up when there's an accident on the westbound side. People just need to know what happened and how serious it is.
• Crowding around - This is when crowds start forming around a fight or something like that. People need to gather around so they can hear what the argument is over and to watch the fight.
• The ambulance chasers - This is my brother all the way. These are the people who have never heard a siren they didn't chase after!
• Prying around - This is when people pry around at a friend's place or office to see what's around. These are the people who go through their friends medicine cabinet.
• The Minnie - That was my next door neighbor as a kid. She always seemed to know our business, because she spied on us. We all have at least one. If you can't think of one, maybe it's you.
• The Myspace/Facebook effect - If you have one, admit it, you've peeked around at friends' pages and such trying to get the scoop on what they're up to. I admit, I'm guilty.

Let's face it, nosiness comes natural to us. We're nosy by nature.

a little left

Why do people always feel the need to not completely finish things off? It is one of my many pet peeves and extremely aggravating. There are two different situations common for this:

1. I'm too lazy - I hate when people leave a little lemonade, kool-aid, or other drinks made from powder just so they don't have to clean out the pitcher and make new stuff. This also applies to milk at work where people don't want to be responsible to stick the carton in the recycling. Unbelievable!
2. The bottom is bad - This is when people will open a new bag of chips, bottle of soda, or something along those lines (at work, a new chemical) when there's still a little bit left in an already opened one. I guess they think that the bottom or last of the item is bad. Why else would they do it? It's so senseless. I hate multiple open containers of the same thing.

So next time you're about to open something new when an old one's open or leave a little liquid left, rethink it. Ask yourself why you're doing it. I assure you that you'll come to the conclusion that it's senseless!

black friday

I just don't get it. It's the day after Thanksgiving. You are still stuffed from dinner the day before and have a fridge full of the appropriate leftovers to make a delicious turkey, stuffing, and cranberry sauce sandwich (on a bulky roll). You have no responsibilities for the day. So what do you decide to do? Get up early, stand in line for hours, and fight hundreds of other shoppers over a general discount! No thanks. I don't think I'll ever truly understand the craze. I mean, for the select few who will be in line for a legitimately discounted product, it makes sense. If you can get a $700 laptop for $300 bucks, it may be worth waiting in line for. But most people will be standing in line with no shot at the high ticket items (usually limited to the first 20 or so) and therefore no real hope of big savings. It's a big sham. And millions of Americans fall for it. I just don't get why people are so willing to inconvenience themselves over a few cents. And let's be honest, many people probably end up buying stuff they didn't need anyway, so they really didn't save any money. If you don't need a new camera but buy a $300 one for $200, you didn't really save $100, but instead spent (blew) $200. Most items are usually only on sale for like 10-15% off. You can get those sales many times of the year. If you're going to go out, know what you want (need) ahead of time and be smart about it. Don't assume it's really a good deal just because it's Black Friday. Consumer Reports has provided some tips for shopping on Black Friday. Do your best to avoid all the hype this year! Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some bargains to hit up. (just kidding)

when i was a kid: thanksgiving edition

How could I possibly forget Thanksgiving as a kid? I used to love Thanksgiving. Since my family came to America on the Mayflower, it always seemed to have a little extra special meaning to me. Aside from the meaning, I have a lot of different memories from Thanksgiving. I remember the food. I remember dad cutting the turkey and making the side dishes. My favorite, to this day, is my dad's stuffed celery. He uses a blue cheese/cream cheese combination as the celery stuffing. One word: yummy. But the stuffing and cranberry sauce (canned for me please) and olives and pickles and mashed potatoes were all nice extras too! I remember the football. My love for football was probably birthed from Thanksgiving. Dad would take us boys to go watch the Malden-Medford Thanksgiving Day game many times. It is the second longest rivalry in the nation. It was always a fun time. When we weren't at the Malden game, we were playing our own game or watching the NFL. Always the Lions and the Cowboys with home games on Thanksgiving. (They should take that privilege away from the Lions.) I remember the fun. We used to make fun Thanksgiving things in school leading up to the holiday. We used to make Pilgrims hats and Indian headbands. We used to make turkeys using our hands as the outlines. Somebody please explain to me how somebody decided that a hand looks like a turkey. As a kid, I thought it did, but as an adult I look at kids hand-turkeys and think they make the ugliest turkeys known to mankind. "Look kids, a turkey!" Thanksgiving is always a fun time of year. It's also the lead in to Christmas. Nice little bonus. I'm spending this Thanksgiving with Polly's family for the first time. I'm excited to see different traditions but will miss my own. Thanks for reading. Happy Thanksgiving!

thanksgiving (se)

I encourage you to take a couple of minutes to read what our nation's first president had to say about Thanksgiving. George Washington 1789 Thanksgiving Proclamation: Whereas it is the duty of all Nations to acknowledge the providence of Almighty God, to obey his will, to be grateful for his benefits, and humbly to implore his protection and favor -- and whereas both Houses of Congress have by their joint Committee requested me "to recommend to the People of the United States a day of public thanksgiving and prayer to be observed by acknowledging with grateful hearts the many signal favors of Almighty God especially by affording them an opportunity peaceably to establish a form of government for their safety and happiness." Now therefore I do recommend and assign Thursday the 26th day of November next to be devoted by the People of these States to the service of that great and glorious Being, who is the beneficent Author of all the good that was, that is, or that will be -- That we may then all unite in rendering unto him our sincere and humble thanks -- for his kind care and protection of the People of this Country previous to their becoming a Nation -- for the signal and manifold mercies, and the favorable interpositions of his Providence which we experienced in the tranquility [sic], union, and plenty, which we have since enjoyed -- for the peaceable and rational manner, in which we have been enabled to establish constitutions of government for our safety and happiness, and particularly the national One now lately instituted -- for the civil and religious liberty with which we are blessed; and the means we have of acquiring and diffusing useful knowledge; and in general for all the great and various favors which he hath been pleased to confer upon us. And also that we may then unite in most humbly offering our prayers and supplications to the great Lord and Ruler of Nations and beseech him to pardon our national and other transgressions -- to enable us all, whether in public or private stations, to perform our several and relative duties properly and punctually -- to render our national government a blessing to all the people, by constantly being a Government of wise, just, and constitutional laws, discreetly and faithfully executed and obeyed -- to protect and guide all Sovereigns and Nations (especially such as have shewn [sic] kindness onto us) and to bless them with good government, peace, and concord -- To promote the knowledge and practice of true religion and virtue, and the encrease [sic] of science among them and us -- and generally to grant unto all Mankind such a degree of temporal prosperity as he alone knows to be best. Given under my hand at the City of New York the third day of October in the year of our Lord 1789. George Washington

one more...

"Give me one more minute." "Let me try one more time." "I'm just going to have one more slice of pizza." "I'll put off exercise just one more day." We are a nation obsessed with also wanting one more of something. We are never satisfied. The problem is that "one more" almost always leads into "two more" and so on. It's like the old joke where a guy drove past a gas station and saw a sign that read "Free Gas Tomorrow." The next day, the man excitedly entered the gas station ready for his free gas. When he told the gas attendant what he was there for, the attendant informed him that he couldn't have free gas today. As the sign read, the free gas was for tomorrow. It's really only a little like this, I just like that joke and wanted to squeeze it in. Anyway, I realized how guilty I was of this once when I was playing Guitar Hero III. I was trying to play all the songs on the Easy level perfect. Every time I messed up, the other people playing would be ready for their turn, but I would say, "Let me just try one more time." Over ten tries later, I finally gave up my turn. I also thought about how when I say "One more minute," I usually stretch it into 5-10. This is how my conversations usually go: Polly - "Michael, can you run out and get some milk?" Michael - "Give me a minute." [5 minutes later] Polly - "Are you going to go get the milk?" Michael - "I will. I already told you, I just need a minute." [5 minutes later] Polly - "I'm leaving to go get the milk. I'll be back in a few." Michael - "You're not going. I told you I will do it and I will do it." [Michael finally leaves] Imagine if we were all just more honest about our intentions. My conversation with Polly would look more like this: Polly - "Michael, can you run out and get some milk?" Michael - "Well, I'd tell you to give me a minute but I'm probably going to loaf around and stall until you guilt me into it, so really it's your call." Polly - "Fine, you sit there and stay comfortable. I'll get the milk." Michael - "I'm going." Actually, I think I prefer the first scenario. I had more loafing time.

power failure

I was sitting at work knocking out a few blogs when the power went out. It was only out for 3 minutes and almost instantaneously the generator kicked on and the computers were operating again. But it got me to thinking. It's amazing how reliant we are on electricity and power in general. We talk about how much more advanced we are than our forefathers and there is certainly a lot of truth to that. But in some ways, it's like we're worse off. As soon as the power went off, people came out of their offices and congregated around the security desk. Nobody knew what to do. Back in the olden days, when there was no electricity, they would never be in that situation. I mean, clearly I'd rather have electricity and be confused about what to do when it goes out than not have it at all. I guess the failure just made me realize that we have become so ridiculously dependent on it. Also, I work for a pharmaceutical company. Experiments can potentially be ruined by such a power failure. It's like, we've become a slave to electricity. I'm overstating it a little, I know, but let's face it, when large areas have lost power for an extended period of time, people don't know what to do. I mean, nobody could even read this blog. How sad.

me-kal brow-en please

Most people don't care too much for telemarketers. It'+s irritating to receive a phone call at your private residence from someone asking you to buy something. It is also irritating to receive a phone call at work. I don't hate telemarketers (except for the really rude ones) so much as the industry of telemarketing. I mean, telemarketers have bills to pay too and they need to make money. I can't blame them for making a living. That's why instead of being mean to telemarketers right now, I am going to offer some advice. At my security job, I answer the phone and we get a lot of calls from telemarketers. And they are almost all guilty of the same thing...they absolutely butcher people's names. I mean, sometimes they don't even come close to getting the name right. From somebody answering phone calls to someone making them, I (along with most people) are less likely to listen to what you have to say if you can't even get the name of the person right. And if I were the person who's name is being butchered (I'm usually not as my name is so common and simple, but sometimes they still mess it up) I would probably be offended and hang up on you. When they kill a name, I sometimes tell them it must be a wrong number. For example if they are looking for someone named Joe Patarkia and ask for Joe Park-eeta, I'll say, "Sorry, there's nobody in the company with that name." So, tip one is this: Take pronunciation and annunciation classes so you can clearly state the proper name of the person you are looking for. The other thing that could be annoying and is a dead giveaway for me is when telemarketers thing they are being clever by using a nickname (it shows more of a relationship between the caller and person being called) but choose the wrong one or one for someone who hates them. It's a clever trick, but a dangerous one. There's a guy where I work named Edward and someone called once asking for Ed. The problem is that this guy goes by Ted. That's a dead giveaway that you have no clue who the person is. I also know people who don't like to go by nicknames. I am one of them. I don't mind friends calling me Mike, but I hate when businesses do it. My given name is Michael, not Mike. (It's not Boston either.) So, tip two is this: Don't try to be clever and use a nickname, it may be the wrong one. Keep doing what you do and get paid telemarketers. Just know that you will be receiving no commission from me!

but wait there's more

Who hasn't ever seen an infomercial? They're like the only things that air on TV early in the morning and late at night. It seems to me that most people are annoyed by them and turn them off. If this is indeed the case, then I am not most people. I love a "good" infomercial. And my "good" I mean an overly cheesy one with poor acting and silly demands. Call me weird (don't really please) but as ridiculous and predictable as they can be, I actually find them entertaining and therefore enjoyable. (My favorite is the Magic Bullet one. My friend and I saw it a couple of times in college. He bought me one as a wedding gift.) I mean, they really are predictable. They all pretty much follow the same pattern, which is as follows:

• A host is shown how a product operates and how convenient it is in front of a live audience.
• The host uses certain punch lines like "No way!" or "I have always wished I had something to do all this!"
• The audience "Ooh"s and "Aah"s in amazement of this truly innovative product.
• The person presenting the product make some ridiculous assertion as though it's a clear cut fact like "It will cut your cooking time in half!" or "It picks up 95% more dirt!"
• The host quickly becomes an expert on the product because it really is that user friendly.
• Then the host makes a statement along the lines of "Something this convenient and effective must cost a bundle!"
• The product presenter then lists the value of the product.
• Then the presenter goes through a list of what the item does not cost, followed but how much it does cost (so low).
• "But wait there's more! If you call in the next 5 minutes, you will receive a second product absolutely free. You only pay the shipping and handling.
• This cycles like 5-10 times throughout the program.

So, here's the problem with what they do:

• The host already knows all about the product (including how it works) and the audience is probably paid.
• The assertions are generally baseless or deceptive. Like when cooking products are claimed to cut the cooking time they act like it also cuts the prep time, but it doesn't. They're using foods that have already been prepared. And when they're not baseless or deceptive, they're usually pointless. I remember a vacuum cleaner once that could pick up a bowling ball. Because you need a vacuum that can do that and all.
• The value is completely made up. I mean, the company can set whatever value they want.
• If you have to pay shipping and handling (usually set ridiculously high) it's not free!
• You will not only get the deal in the next 5 minutes as that same cut making that claim will be shown again in 5 minutes.

We all know how bogus infomercials are, but that's what makes them entertaining to me.

splel check

Spell check certainly has it's place. I feel that some people should use it more regularly. I hate reading things and seeing like a million spelling errors. Don't get me wrong, I make mistakes as well and mistakes are expected from us. After all, "To err is human." What I'm talking about, however, are the people who make more errors in their spelling than they spell words correctly. Just click the old spell check button and do your best to eliminate as many mistakes as you can. That way, I only have to sift through a few of them, which is no big deal. However, that the red squiggly line annoys me, especially when I know I've spelled a word accurately. Just because it doesn't know the word or person's name I entered, it assumes I am wrong. It is probably one of the most arrogant computer helps in existence today. The green squiggly can be just as annoying. It tells me I used a fragmented sentence. Then it doesn't even give me a recommendation for how to fix my fragment. It just tells me to consider revising. If I thought it was a fragment in the first place, I wouldn't have written it, so clearly I am not as in tune with the rules of fragmented sentences as I thought. The point is, however, that I will not likely be able to correct it. And what more annoying than this is that if you tell the stupid thing to ignore your error and then go back later to change something within the same sentence, the squiggly lines which had gone away now reappear. Am I alone on this? Am I the only one that wants to punch the squiggly lines sometimes? Then again, where might I be without it? I was told no misspellings were found in this post. I hope that it was correct.

who would you save? (revisited)

I originally posted the majority of this post on my myspace some time ago. I thought it sparked enough interest and debate that it was worth revisiting. My wife and I were having this discussion some time ago...I asked her the following question: If you had the chance to either save me or our firstborn child, which would you save? It was intriguing to me because our answers were different, though not shocking. She said she would save the child because her bond to her own child would be so strong it would be instinctual. (For the record, I would want her to save the child over me.) I said that I would save her because a man always looks to protect his wife. Plus, we could procreate and produce more kids rather than having a kid without one parent. When I asked other men and women about this, I discovered that most of the women sided with Polly and most of the men sided with me, with some exceptions. Therefore I posited that decisions to this question would be based on gender. However, upon posting the original blog post, I got the mixed responses. I have listed some of the responses below: Guy - "If it was me, it would be very tough, VERY tough. But in the end I think I would pick my wife." Girl - "This is a very hard question to answer. I know from experience that true love is the worst thing to lose, but the thought of losing a child seems unbearable. I think in the end that I would save my child and in a way a piece of my husband would always live in them." Guy - "definitely save the wifey" Girl - "Hmmm. That's a tough one. My mom taught me that your husband comes before any other person in your life, even your children. So although I'm not an expert in the area of having husbands or babies, as of right now I'd go with the husband. If I chose to save the baby, then I'd have no one to console and support the loss of my husband. If I chose to save the husband, I can make more babies, and have the emotional support to cope with the loss of the baby. I'm with you Mike." Girl - "You can always have more kids, but you can never replace a spouse. " Guy - "I would save the child. You can always find another wife. Just joking. I would save the kid. Give him a chance at life. " There were more responses than these (some good ones) and you can check them out here. Basically though, I got different responses from two married women with kids, different responses from a few different single guys, and different responses from a few different single girls. I understand that it's only hypothetical, but it's an intriguing topic to me. I would love to hear from more people on this so I can get a better sense as to why different people (even in similar situations) respond differently.

bumper sticker ramblings

I don't have one specific thing to say about bumper stickers, but just a few non-related ramblings. I generally think bumper stickers are really stupid. Like anyone really cares who you're voting for, what causes you care about, and how well your kid does in school. The only bumper stickers I usually do like are the ones which mock already existing bumper stickers. For example, I hate the bumper sticker that reads "My child is an honors student" but love the one that reads "My child beat up your honor student." I don't think it's cool that honor students are being beat up, but I like that the bumper sticker makes fun of the ones which are braggadocio in nature. Also, I've noticed that most bumper stickers belong to people of the extreme right and left respectively. Just an observation. I used to have bumper stickers all over my clunker in college but realized the stupidity of it and opted not to put them on my newer clunker. Also, notice they are called "bumper" stickers, not "back window" stickers, not "trunk" stickers, or any other kind of stickers. If you're going to put these dumb things on your car, the least you can do is put them where they belong. The point of this post is this: If you're bumper sticker's not funny, don't put it on your car and waste my time reading it! I'm not going to save the whales just because you do. However, I might just chuckle with you if your sticker's funny!

not a milk at night kind of guy

The above statement is true...I'm not a milk at night kind of guy. I pretty much only have milk with cereal or spaghetti. But frankly, my milk drinking habits is not the point of this post. It's simply how the real point came up. Let me explain. The issue came up the other night when I was thirsty before bed and didn't want water. Polly told me to have a glass of milk. I proceeded to tell her that I'm not a milk at night kind of guy. Polly then brought up the fact that I always use the phrase "I'm (not) a ____ kind of guy" or when speaking in first person plural I say "We're (not) _____ people." Polly thinks it's a weird phrase to use and seems a little annoyed by it. I, on the other hand, think it makes all the sense in the world. And to be honest, I didn't even realize I do it. Am I crazy when I use these phrases or are they really completely normal. I tend to think they get the point across and let's face it...I'm a getting the point across kind of guy!

veggie tales

Like most kids, I was never too keen on veggies. In fact, I used to get in trouble for smushing my peas underneath the tablecloth. My hatred for veggies has not changed with age. I don't really like vegetables! Obviously I like some vegetables. They include corn, raw carrots, radishes, cucumbers, tomatoes, lettuce, raw celery, raw spinach, and onions. So basically I like corn and salad. I guess I just hate cooked veggies mostly. I can't stand peas, beans, cooked spinach, cooked carrots, squash, or mostly any legume or veggie. I was wondering why this is, and then it hit me... The reason I love raw veggies so much is because I don't have to eat them by themselves. I always use salad dressing or veggie dip to mask their flavors (or lack thereof). The only raw veggies I'll eat without dressing or dip are carrots. They are quite delicious in fact. Do I eat my veggies? Yes. I just like them raw with some added flavor!

masters of the obvious

People often feel the need to state the obvious, or say stupid things. I too have been guilty of making the occasional, stupid, obvious comment. It's part of what makes me human. But I must say there are two comments that have always irked me more than others.

1. "It's always the last place you look!" - No kidding...really? Because I was under the impression that you generally find things in the 5th to last place you look and simply keep looking 4 more places for the fun of it. Of course you find things in the last place you look. I mean, sometimes it's also the first place you look. It might be 2nd, 3rd, 4th, and so on. But every time, unless you have time to waste, it's the last place you look. Stop using this phrase people. It's stupid!
2. "The gas always runs out when I'm in the middle of using the grill!" - That's so weird. I mean, what a strange coincidence. Chalk that one up to Murphy's Law. No, wait, that's right, the gas runs out every time you're in the middle of cooking because that's when you're using the gas! If you're not using the gas, how is it supposed to run out? Unless you have a leak, which is not commonly the case, the gas will run out when you are using it. Seriously people.

There are millions of other examples of stupid things people say. Bill Engvall is famous for his "Here's Your Sign" bit that he does, talking about dumb things people say. You can check out a clip of it on YouTube by clicking here.

Unfortunately though, I think I'm going to be hearing those phrases for a long time to come.

so sorry

One of my big pet peeves is when I'm on the phone with a customer service rep. and they tell me that they are "so sorry" that they are unable to assist me. Who's trying to kid whom here? They couldn't care less that they are unable to help me. Once I had a situation like this occur and finally had enough of hearing the "so sorry" line. I was on the phone with AT&T Wireless to make an adjustment on my phone plan. Polly and I use a family plan and have been since before we were even married. It's cheaper. Well, somebody at AT&T decided to put the account in Polly's name. I don't know why this was done because I am the one who pays the bill and takes care of the problems. The customer service rep. was unable to assist me because it wasn't in my name. She said she needed to speak with my wife. The problem was that I needed this taken care of but Polly was busy and couldn't make the call. I was getting fed up and realized that nothing was going to happen. I told her that I thought it was ridiculous. She said, "I'm so sorry Mr. Brown that..." I cut her off. I had enough. "Don't tell me you're so sorry. You couldn't care less that you can't help me. As soon as you get off the phone with me, you'll forget who I am and what my problem is. So don't go feeding me bull about how sorry you are that you cannot help me. You'll go on with your day and not have a care in the world for me. If you can't help me, tell me you can't help me, but don't tell me how sorry you are when you're not." Click. Did she deserve that? No. Did it help me get what I needed? No. Did I overreact? Yes. Was I rude? Yes. Did I feel good about myself for yelling at the poor girl? No. Did it feel good to vent? Yes. I need to find a better way to vent. Actually, the last time I almost went off on someone, I caught myself. Maybe I'm getting better.

the absurdity of sports

I love sports. I love playing them. I love watching them. But have you ever sat back and thought about how ridiculously absurd sports are? I mean, let's face it. The only reason we love them and get excited about them is because we love competition. We love the idea of it, the feel of it, the adrenaline of it. But the sports themselves are pretty absurd when you look at them. Let's take a closer look to see what I mean.

• Baseball - You hit a ball with a stick and run around bases. That's simple enough. But there are so many rules. Who decided that 4 balls makes a free pass to a base whereas only 3 strikes are needed to get you out. Why not 3 balls and 2 strikes? Why not 5 and 4? Why not 3 and 3? Why can't a pitcher pretend like he's going to throw home and throw you out if you're too far off the base? Why are the bases 90 feet apart? Why not 100? Why not 80? Why is the guy to the right of second base called the second basemen and the one to the left called the shortstop? It's all random and silly. If 100 and how many ever years ago Mr. Doubleday decided that there should be 5 bases counting home, we would think it was normal.
• Football - If you throw the ball forward and the guy misses it, it's an incomplete pass. If you throw it backwards and the guy misses it, it's a fumble. Why does it take 10 yards to get a first down? Why do you get 4 downs during a drive? Why can't the ground cause a fumble? Why do you kick the ball through the uprights for a point after the touchdown?

In my opinion, hockey and soccer are the least absurd. Still, when you really think about it, sports are odd. The rules are odd. They are competitive though, and that's what drives us. So no matter how odd sports are, we'll keep watching.

malden's #1

Anyone who knows me knows that I am very proud of where I come from. I love the Boston area and am sad when I'm not near it. For example, when I went to school in Missouri, I missed the city of Boston more than I missed any person. I have always taken pride in Malden. It's where I was born. It's where I was raised. It's where my parents still live. I can tell you some fun facts about Malden:

1. Adoniram Judson was born there. Mr. Judson was the first missionary sent from the United States.
2. Malden is the birthplace of Grandpa Joe from the original "Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory" movie.
3. Malden officially became a town in 1649. I was there for the 350th birthday parade celebration. In fact, I was in it!
4. It has been said that Malden was the first town to petition the colonial government to withdraw from Great Britain.

I can spew much more useless knowledge about my city. But I can also tell you some not so nice things I remember:

1. I once saw a kid get beat to death with a baseball bat while driving to church.
2. A guy on the street over from me when I lived on Essex Street was found beheaded in his jeep. His head was later found in a cemetery.
3. A guy on my brother's paper route (the street next to ours when we lived on Echo St) went missing while jogging and was never found.
4. The body of a young man was found in the cemetery down the street from my house on Echo St.
5. One of the most famous armored car robbery cases in history involved Malden.
6. A few years back, there was a big standoff in Malden involving a separate armored car robbery case.
7. When I lived on Russell St., neighborhood kids used to come into my backyard (it was a duplex so it was shared) to drink and do drugs with my neighbor.

There are so many more bad things I can think of. One which only my brother, a few select people, and me know, which I'd rather not air publicly.

I loved Malden growing up. I love Malden still. I just don't think that I would call it the best place to raise a child. Which begs the question, "How did Malden win the honors of being named the best city in Massachusetts to raise children?"

The honors came from Business Week and the article can read by clicking here So why did Malden win? I think that it has a lot to do with the fact that Malden has all beautiful, new, well-equipped K-8 schools. Only the High School is old. I think the reason Malden was the beneficiary of brand new schools a few years back was because Malden is the home for the State Board of Education. It's kind of like the old saying about the smoothest road in a city being the one the mayor lives on. The best schools in the state are where the State Board of Education resides. I'm happy for Malden that it won this honor. I just feel the need to disagree. And that's coming from a child who was raised there.

bloggers have no life

This is something I have heard recently as I've ventured into the blogging world. And I've heard it from a couple of different people. I have asked, "What do you mean?" They respond by saying something about how they don't have time to read or write blogs. They're too busy. Their lives are just far too important for such menial things. The irony is that if you're reading this blog right now, you're obviously not one of those people, so they'll never see what I say. None-the-less, I would like to clear up this misconception. It's not that people don't have time to write or read blogs. It's simply that they choose to use their time on different things. I mean, what are they so busy doing that constitutes having a life when they have free time? Watching TV? Catching a movie? Reading a book? I mean, seriously, they have the same 24 hours in a day that I do. It's not my fault if they don't do well with time management. I usually write my blogs when I'm doing something else (e.g. watching football, not my own team of course). I also write a bunch of blogs all at once and only post one a day. I do most of my writing on down time during the weekend. I love to write. When I get going, I can write for hours. But each blog doesn't take all that long for me to write. I like to write. You like to read. (If you didn't you probably wouldn't be reading this.) It seems that I have no reason to stop. Silly people.

no fun league

Whatever happened to the NFL being physical? Football has lost some of its luster in my opinion. They've become the No Fun League with pansy rules. If a defender so much as looks at the quarterback the wrong way, a personal foul, 15-yard flag is thrown. Are quarterbacks not players too? Why can't they just let them play? There are also a number of other situations that call for bogus "too physical" flags. It's ridiculous. The other thing that makes the league no fun is how they flag and fine players for celebrating. I don't understand why it's such a big deal. I think it's funny when a player creatively celebrates a touchdown. It used to be that I couldn't wait to watch the celebration highlights on ESPN on Sunday nights. Let them celebrate! I understand the need for rules and structure, but they've made the game a whole lot less fun. All that said, I still love my Patriots, and won't stop watching football no matter what.

road rage

As I've previously posted about, people can be absolutely crazy drivers. Though I hate it when people act out in road rage, it's kind of funny to see how immature people can become. Let me list some examples.

• Windshield Washer War - This one has always humored me. It's when a driver pulls in front of a driver their mad at for whatever reason and intentionally spray them with their windshield washer fluid. I think some people angle their windshield wiper fluid specifically to use it in a road rage situation.
• Cut Back - It's funny to me when someone gets cut off and gets the "I'll show them" mentality. They whip around the car that cut them off and jerk in front of them. What happened to when we were kids and two wrongs didn't make a right?
• The Slow Down - One annoying thing in traffic is when someone starts tailgating you. Even more annoying is when they flash you with their high beams. This is when many people humor me with the slow down. They intentionally slow down so as to trap the flasher in traffic.
• The Old-Fashioned Flip - When someone lacks creativity and ability to get back, they often resort to the old-fashioned flip of the bird. This shows no class whatsoever. I laugh when it's done to me.

There are other comedic responses, but those are the most common ones I can think of. I encourage you to just laugh it off when these things happen to you instead of trying to get even.

lincoln logs, legos, and such

Kids these days don't know haw to have any fun. They just sit around playing video games and watching TV. They still might have toys, but not good ones. When I was a kid I used to play with real toys. We also used to play real games. I remember playing with lincoln logs and legos. What creativity they taught me. I remember playing cars for hours at a time. I had the little green army men and Transformers. I miss those. Especially the lincoln logs. Not only did we play with cooler toys, but we were much more active. My brother, friends, and I used to go down to the Forestdale school and play baseball every day of the summer. When I was young, all the neighborhood kids used to come out and play a big game of hide and go seek, tag, and such. Back when parents would say, "You come home, you stay home," so all the kids would stay outside playing until parents called us home for dinner. I guess I just feel bad for kids these days. They just sit in front of the idiot box all day long and are deprived of real fun. Meanwhile, I wish I could go back to those times of old again.

bad business

It's not uncommon to see a business established on quality become "big" and "popular." It makes sense. I mean, if a business is good, people will tell friends who will tell friends, and so on. It's the old adage: the best advertisement is word of mouth. Unfortunately, it seems that when many businesses become "big" and "popular," they tend to lose the sight of what got them there. It's like the owner/executives become so obsessed with popularity, ratings, sales, etc. that they become obsessed with it and focus more on that than the things which led to the quality that made their name for them in the first place. Restaurants are notoriously guilty for this. They start out with quality food, service, and value which causes their business to explode. Then, they feel like people will come regardless and the value slips. A perfect example of this is Hilltop Steakhouse in Saugus. The food there used to be amazing. You would wait in line forever to eat, but it was worth it. People still frequent Hilltop but only because it's name is already well known. Most leave unsatisfied. TV stations and shows are also often guilty of this. ESPN built itself as a quality outlet for all things sports. Now that they're big, they just have a bunch of talking heads who are usually wrong. They also have a lot of unfunny anchors who think they're comedians, which is a different topic for a different day I guess. This is certainly not always the case as places like Kelly's Roast Beef and Seafood have maintained excellent quality over the years. But this is more like the exception that proves the rule. Many more places tend to live on their name instead of product than not. I only hope that I don't lose quality on this blog. If I start posting garbage full of fluff and no thought, let me know.

every rose has it's thorn...

...just as every group of girls has a loud, annoying one. Is that not how the song goes? Oh well. It doesn't change my opinion on the matter. I first noticed this in high school and then again in college. It seems that every time I see a group of girls, there's one who feels the need to be loud and obnoxious. And I don't think it's a coincidence. Let me explain. The annoying girl is usually the one who speaks for the entire group using words like "we" and "us" instead of "I" and "me." For example, A guy walks by a table of attractive girls and makes some kind of joking comment to Pretty Girl 1. Pretty Girl 1 giggles and tosses her hair. Obnoxious Girl then makes some typical comment to the guy like, "You know you want us." Notice the first person plural pronoun "us." As I said, I don't think it's a mistake or coincidence. And notice that the girl isn't the one who was spoken to. I think that it is a result of the fact that Obnoxious Girl feels the need to be attached to the Pretty Girls. It's like attractive/popular by association or something. My theory is that this is generally the result of low self-esteem by Obnoxious Girl. And Obnoxious Girl doesn't realize that if she weren't loud and obnoxious, she'd fit in better with the Pretty Girls. Please do not confuse this to say that all loud, obnoxious girls are ugly or that no pretty girls are loud and obnoxious. I've already stated in "wedding day beauty" that attractiveness is often dependent on self-confidence. This is just something I've noticed a number of times within a group of girls.

from mtv and vh1 to rsstv and noswstc1

Flipping through channels on the television recently, I thought about why different stations have chosen their respective names. Some of them are easy enough to figure out: History shows historical shows. Style shows things to do with style. ESPN (Entertainment and Sports Programming Network) shows sports-related shows. We could go on for a while with this. These stations were formed for a purpose and maintained their purposes. Some stationed have changed their names over the years as their emphasis and markets have changed (i.e. TNN - The Nashville Network became Spike TV). With all this said, somebody please tell me why MTV (Music TeleVision) and VH1 (Video Hits One), which are owned by the same parent company, still maintain their names. Neither one shows very much to do with music anymore. VH1 has a video countdown and some videos in the morning, but the rest of the day is garbage shows with nothing to do with music. MTV almost never has videos on it anymore. Even MTV2 is full of much of the same trash now. And I've got some bad news for you country music fans out there (of which I am certainly not one!) CMT is owned by the same parent company as MTV and VH1. It's only a matter of time before you don't get to watch your music videos either. I propose that we rename MTV to RSSTV (Ridiculously Stupid Shows TeleVision) and VH1 to NOSWSTC1 (No Other Station Would Show This Crap One). Of course, if you have any better ideas, please let me know.