connoisseur of soap

I, like Ralphie, was a connoisseur of soap as a kid. Any time my parents heard or found out that I used a bad word or even if I just talked back to them, I had my mouth washed out with soap. And let me tell you, that stuff was nasty. I loathe the taste even just thinking about it right now. And I, unlike Ralphie, never even used the mother of all bad words, the f-dash-dash-dash word! I do remember my parents going through a time when they eliminated the soap and used horse radish instead. The idea was to put something hot and unpleasant in our mouths in an attempt to make us think the next time before we said something bad, as a deterrent. What my parents didn't realize, however, was that my brother Jon and I actually liked the horse radish. When they would "punish" us for saying something bad, they were actually rewarding us. My parents of course figured this out when they saw my brother and I raiding the fridge, sneaking some of the delicious horse radish. (I admit that, in hindsight, sneaking horse radish may have been a little wierd.) I'm pretty sure that upon their discovery, the horse radish "punishment" was scrapped in favor of the soap again. Now if I go blind when I get older, my parents will only have themselves to blame!