nosy by nature

People are so nosy. It comes so natural to us. And it shows itself in many different ways and in many different situations. Here are a few I could think of:

• The curiosity effect - This is the annoying one where people in their nosiness need to look and see what happened in a car accident, slowing down traffic. It's the reason the eastbound side of a highway is backed up when there's an accident on the westbound side. People just need to know what happened and how serious it is.
• Crowding around - This is when crowds start forming around a fight or something like that. People need to gather around so they can hear what the argument is over and to watch the fight.
• The ambulance chasers - This is my brother all the way. These are the people who have never heard a siren they didn't chase after!
• Prying around - This is when people pry around at a friend's place or office to see what's around. These are the people who go through their friends medicine cabinet.
• The Minnie - That was my next door neighbor as a kid. She always seemed to know our business, because she spied on us. We all have at least one. If you can't think of one, maybe it's you.
• The Myspace/Facebook effect - If you have one, admit it, you've peeked around at friends' pages and such trying to get the scoop on what they're up to. I admit, I'm guilty.

Let's face it, nosiness comes natural to us. We're nosy by nature.

a little left

Why do people always feel the need to not completely finish things off? It is one of my many pet peeves and extremely aggravating. There are two different situations common for this:

1. I'm too lazy - I hate when people leave a little lemonade, kool-aid, or other drinks made from powder just so they don't have to clean out the pitcher and make new stuff. This also applies to milk at work where people don't want to be responsible to stick the carton in the recycling. Unbelievable!
2. The bottom is bad - This is when people will open a new bag of chips, bottle of soda, or something along those lines (at work, a new chemical) when there's still a little bit left in an already opened one. I guess they think that the bottom or last of the item is bad. Why else would they do it? It's so senseless. I hate multiple open containers of the same thing.

So next time you're about to open something new when an old one's open or leave a little liquid left, rethink it. Ask yourself why you're doing it. I assure you that you'll come to the conclusion that it's senseless!

black friday

I just don't get it. It's the day after Thanksgiving. You are still stuffed from dinner the day before and have a fridge full of the appropriate leftovers to make a delicious turkey, stuffing, and cranberry sauce sandwich (on a bulky roll). You have no responsibilities for the day. So what do you decide to do? Get up early, stand in line for hours, and fight hundreds of other shoppers over a general discount! No thanks. I don't think I'll ever truly understand the craze. I mean, for the select few who will be in line for a legitimately discounted product, it makes sense. If you can get a $700 laptop for $300 bucks, it may be worth waiting in line for. But most people will be standing in line with no shot at the high ticket items (usually limited to the first 20 or so) and therefore no real hope of big savings. It's a big sham. And millions of Americans fall for it. I just don't get why people are so willing to inconvenience themselves over a few cents. And let's be honest, many people probably end up buying stuff they didn't need anyway, so they really didn't save any money. If you don't need a new camera but buy a $300 one for $200, you didn't really save $100, but instead spent (blew) $200. Most items are usually only on sale for like 10-15% off. You can get those sales many times of the year. If you're going to go out, know what you want (need) ahead of time and be smart about it. Don't assume it's really a good deal just because it's Black Friday. Consumer Reports has provided some tips for shopping on Black Friday. Do your best to avoid all the hype this year! Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some bargains to hit up. (just kidding)

when i was a kid: thanksgiving edition

How could I possibly forget Thanksgiving as a kid? I used to love Thanksgiving. Since my family came to America on the Mayflower, it always seemed to have a little extra special meaning to me. Aside from the meaning, I have a lot of different memories from Thanksgiving. I remember the food. I remember dad cutting the turkey and making the side dishes. My favorite, to this day, is my dad's stuffed celery. He uses a blue cheese/cream cheese combination as the celery stuffing. One word: yummy. But the stuffing and cranberry sauce (canned for me please) and olives and pickles and mashed potatoes were all nice extras too! I remember the football. My love for football was probably birthed from Thanksgiving. Dad would take us boys to go watch the Malden-Medford Thanksgiving Day game many times. It is the second longest rivalry in the nation. It was always a fun time. When we weren't at the Malden game, we were playing our own game or watching the NFL. Always the Lions and the Cowboys with home games on Thanksgiving. (They should take that privilege away from the Lions.) I remember the fun. We used to make fun Thanksgiving things in school leading up to the holiday. We used to make Pilgrims hats and Indian headbands. We used to make turkeys using our hands as the outlines. Somebody please explain to me how somebody decided that a hand looks like a turkey. As a kid, I thought it did, but as an adult I look at kids hand-turkeys and think they make the ugliest turkeys known to mankind. "Look kids, a turkey!" Thanksgiving is always a fun time of year. It's also the lead in to Christmas. Nice little bonus. I'm spending this Thanksgiving with Polly's family for the first time. I'm excited to see different traditions but will miss my own. Thanks for reading. Happy Thanksgiving!

thanksgiving (se)

I encourage you to take a couple of minutes to read what our nation's first president had to say about Thanksgiving. George Washington 1789 Thanksgiving Proclamation: Whereas it is the duty of all Nations to acknowledge the providence of Almighty God, to obey his will, to be grateful for his benefits, and humbly to implore his protection and favor -- and whereas both Houses of Congress have by their joint Committee requested me "to recommend to the People of the United States a day of public thanksgiving and prayer to be observed by acknowledging with grateful hearts the many signal favors of Almighty God especially by affording them an opportunity peaceably to establish a form of government for their safety and happiness." Now therefore I do recommend and assign Thursday the 26th day of November next to be devoted by the People of these States to the service of that great and glorious Being, who is the beneficent Author of all the good that was, that is, or that will be -- That we may then all unite in rendering unto him our sincere and humble thanks -- for his kind care and protection of the People of this Country previous to their becoming a Nation -- for the signal and manifold mercies, and the favorable interpositions of his Providence which we experienced in the tranquility [sic], union, and plenty, which we have since enjoyed -- for the peaceable and rational manner, in which we have been enabled to establish constitutions of government for our safety and happiness, and particularly the national One now lately instituted -- for the civil and religious liberty with which we are blessed; and the means we have of acquiring and diffusing useful knowledge; and in general for all the great and various favors which he hath been pleased to confer upon us. And also that we may then unite in most humbly offering our prayers and supplications to the great Lord and Ruler of Nations and beseech him to pardon our national and other transgressions -- to enable us all, whether in public or private stations, to perform our several and relative duties properly and punctually -- to render our national government a blessing to all the people, by constantly being a Government of wise, just, and constitutional laws, discreetly and faithfully executed and obeyed -- to protect and guide all Sovereigns and Nations (especially such as have shewn [sic] kindness onto us) and to bless them with good government, peace, and concord -- To promote the knowledge and practice of true religion and virtue, and the encrease [sic] of science among them and us -- and generally to grant unto all Mankind such a degree of temporal prosperity as he alone knows to be best. Given under my hand at the City of New York the third day of October in the year of our Lord 1789. George Washington

one more...

"Give me one more minute." "Let me try one more time." "I'm just going to have one more slice of pizza." "I'll put off exercise just one more day." We are a nation obsessed with also wanting one more of something. We are never satisfied. The problem is that "one more" almost always leads into "two more" and so on. It's like the old joke where a guy drove past a gas station and saw a sign that read "Free Gas Tomorrow." The next day, the man excitedly entered the gas station ready for his free gas. When he told the gas attendant what he was there for, the attendant informed him that he couldn't have free gas today. As the sign read, the free gas was for tomorrow. It's really only a little like this, I just like that joke and wanted to squeeze it in. Anyway, I realized how guilty I was of this once when I was playing Guitar Hero III. I was trying to play all the songs on the Easy level perfect. Every time I messed up, the other people playing would be ready for their turn, but I would say, "Let me just try one more time." Over ten tries later, I finally gave up my turn. I also thought about how when I say "One more minute," I usually stretch it into 5-10. This is how my conversations usually go: Polly - "Michael, can you run out and get some milk?" Michael - "Give me a minute." [5 minutes later] Polly - "Are you going to go get the milk?" Michael - "I will. I already told you, I just need a minute." [5 minutes later] Polly - "I'm leaving to go get the milk. I'll be back in a few." Michael - "You're not going. I told you I will do it and I will do it." [Michael finally leaves] Imagine if we were all just more honest about our intentions. My conversation with Polly would look more like this: Polly - "Michael, can you run out and get some milk?" Michael - "Well, I'd tell you to give me a minute but I'm probably going to loaf around and stall until you guilt me into it, so really it's your call." Polly - "Fine, you sit there and stay comfortable. I'll get the milk." Michael - "I'm going." Actually, I think I prefer the first scenario. I had more loafing time.

power failure

I was sitting at work knocking out a few blogs when the power went out. It was only out for 3 minutes and almost instantaneously the generator kicked on and the computers were operating again. But it got me to thinking. It's amazing how reliant we are on electricity and power in general. We talk about how much more advanced we are than our forefathers and there is certainly a lot of truth to that. But in some ways, it's like we're worse off. As soon as the power went off, people came out of their offices and congregated around the security desk. Nobody knew what to do. Back in the olden days, when there was no electricity, they would never be in that situation. I mean, clearly I'd rather have electricity and be confused about what to do when it goes out than not have it at all. I guess the failure just made me realize that we have become so ridiculously dependent on it. Also, I work for a pharmaceutical company. Experiments can potentially be ruined by such a power failure. It's like, we've become a slave to electricity. I'm overstating it a little, I know, but let's face it, when large areas have lost power for an extended period of time, people don't know what to do. I mean, nobody could even read this blog. How sad.

me-kal brow-en please

Most people don't care too much for telemarketers. It'+s irritating to receive a phone call at your private residence from someone asking you to buy something. It is also irritating to receive a phone call at work. I don't hate telemarketers (except for the really rude ones) so much as the industry of telemarketing. I mean, telemarketers have bills to pay too and they need to make money. I can't blame them for making a living. That's why instead of being mean to telemarketers right now, I am going to offer some advice. At my security job, I answer the phone and we get a lot of calls from telemarketers. And they are almost all guilty of the same thing...they absolutely butcher people's names. I mean, sometimes they don't even come close to getting the name right. From somebody answering phone calls to someone making them, I (along with most people) are less likely to listen to what you have to say if you can't even get the name of the person right. And if I were the person who's name is being butchered (I'm usually not as my name is so common and simple, but sometimes they still mess it up) I would probably be offended and hang up on you. When they kill a name, I sometimes tell them it must be a wrong number. For example if they are looking for someone named Joe Patarkia and ask for Joe Park-eeta, I'll say, "Sorry, there's nobody in the company with that name." So, tip one is this: Take pronunciation and annunciation classes so you can clearly state the proper name of the person you are looking for. The other thing that could be annoying and is a dead giveaway for me is when telemarketers thing they are being clever by using a nickname (it shows more of a relationship between the caller and person being called) but choose the wrong one or one for someone who hates them. It's a clever trick, but a dangerous one. There's a guy where I work named Edward and someone called once asking for Ed. The problem is that this guy goes by Ted. That's a dead giveaway that you have no clue who the person is. I also know people who don't like to go by nicknames. I am one of them. I don't mind friends calling me Mike, but I hate when businesses do it. My given name is Michael, not Mike. (It's not Boston either.) So, tip two is this: Don't try to be clever and use a nickname, it may be the wrong one. Keep doing what you do and get paid telemarketers. Just know that you will be receiving no commission from me!

but wait there's more

Who hasn't ever seen an infomercial? They're like the only things that air on TV early in the morning and late at night. It seems to me that most people are annoyed by them and turn them off. If this is indeed the case, then I am not most people. I love a "good" infomercial. And my "good" I mean an overly cheesy one with poor acting and silly demands. Call me weird (don't really please) but as ridiculous and predictable as they can be, I actually find them entertaining and therefore enjoyable. (My favorite is the Magic Bullet one. My friend and I saw it a couple of times in college. He bought me one as a wedding gift.) I mean, they really are predictable. They all pretty much follow the same pattern, which is as follows:

• A host is shown how a product operates and how convenient it is in front of a live audience.
• The host uses certain punch lines like "No way!" or "I have always wished I had something to do all this!"
• The audience "Ooh"s and "Aah"s in amazement of this truly innovative product.
• The person presenting the product make some ridiculous assertion as though it's a clear cut fact like "It will cut your cooking time in half!" or "It picks up 95% more dirt!"
• The host quickly becomes an expert on the product because it really is that user friendly.
• Then the host makes a statement along the lines of "Something this convenient and effective must cost a bundle!"
• The product presenter then lists the value of the product.
• Then the presenter goes through a list of what the item does not cost, followed but how much it does cost (so low).
• "But wait there's more! If you call in the next 5 minutes, you will receive a second product absolutely free. You only pay the shipping and handling.
• This cycles like 5-10 times throughout the program.

So, here's the problem with what they do:

• The host already knows all about the product (including how it works) and the audience is probably paid.
• The assertions are generally baseless or deceptive. Like when cooking products are claimed to cut the cooking time they act like it also cuts the prep time, but it doesn't. They're using foods that have already been prepared. And when they're not baseless or deceptive, they're usually pointless. I remember a vacuum cleaner once that could pick up a bowling ball. Because you need a vacuum that can do that and all.
• The value is completely made up. I mean, the company can set whatever value they want.
• If you have to pay shipping and handling (usually set ridiculously high) it's not free!
• You will not only get the deal in the next 5 minutes as that same cut making that claim will be shown again in 5 minutes.

We all know how bogus infomercials are, but that's what makes them entertaining to me.

splel check

Spell check certainly has it's place. I feel that some people should use it more regularly. I hate reading things and seeing like a million spelling errors. Don't get me wrong, I make mistakes as well and mistakes are expected from us. After all, "To err is human." What I'm talking about, however, are the people who make more errors in their spelling than they spell words correctly. Just click the old spell check button and do your best to eliminate as many mistakes as you can. That way, I only have to sift through a few of them, which is no big deal. However, that the red squiggly line annoys me, especially when I know I've spelled a word accurately. Just because it doesn't know the word or person's name I entered, it assumes I am wrong. It is probably one of the most arrogant computer helps in existence today. The green squiggly can be just as annoying. It tells me I used a fragmented sentence. Then it doesn't even give me a recommendation for how to fix my fragment. It just tells me to consider revising. If I thought it was a fragment in the first place, I wouldn't have written it, so clearly I am not as in tune with the rules of fragmented sentences as I thought. The point is, however, that I will not likely be able to correct it. And what more annoying than this is that if you tell the stupid thing to ignore your error and then go back later to change something within the same sentence, the squiggly lines which had gone away now reappear. Am I alone on this? Am I the only one that wants to punch the squiggly lines sometimes? Then again, where might I be without it? I was told no misspellings were found in this post. I hope that it was correct.

who would you save? (revisited)

I originally posted the majority of this post on my myspace some time ago. I thought it sparked enough interest and debate that it was worth revisiting. My wife and I were having this discussion some time ago...I asked her the following question: If you had the chance to either save me or our firstborn child, which would you save? It was intriguing to me because our answers were different, though not shocking. She said she would save the child because her bond to her own child would be so strong it would be instinctual. (For the record, I would want her to save the child over me.) I said that I would save her because a man always looks to protect his wife. Plus, we could procreate and produce more kids rather than having a kid without one parent. When I asked other men and women about this, I discovered that most of the women sided with Polly and most of the men sided with me, with some exceptions. Therefore I posited that decisions to this question would be based on gender. However, upon posting the original blog post, I got the mixed responses. I have listed some of the responses below: Guy - "If it was me, it would be very tough, VERY tough. But in the end I think I would pick my wife." Girl - "This is a very hard question to answer. I know from experience that true love is the worst thing to lose, but the thought of losing a child seems unbearable. I think in the end that I would save my child and in a way a piece of my husband would always live in them." Guy - "definitely save the wifey" Girl - "Hmmm. That's a tough one. My mom taught me that your husband comes before any other person in your life, even your children. So although I'm not an expert in the area of having husbands or babies, as of right now I'd go with the husband. If I chose to save the baby, then I'd have no one to console and support the loss of my husband. If I chose to save the husband, I can make more babies, and have the emotional support to cope with the loss of the baby. I'm with you Mike." Girl - "You can always have more kids, but you can never replace a spouse. " Guy - "I would save the child. You can always find another wife. Just joking. I would save the kid. Give him a chance at life. " There were more responses than these (some good ones) and you can check them out here. Basically though, I got different responses from two married women with kids, different responses from a few different single guys, and different responses from a few different single girls. I understand that it's only hypothetical, but it's an intriguing topic to me. I would love to hear from more people on this so I can get a better sense as to why different people (even in similar situations) respond differently.

bumper sticker ramblings

I don't have one specific thing to say about bumper stickers, but just a few non-related ramblings. I generally think bumper stickers are really stupid. Like anyone really cares who you're voting for, what causes you care about, and how well your kid does in school. The only bumper stickers I usually do like are the ones which mock already existing bumper stickers. For example, I hate the bumper sticker that reads "My child is an honors student" but love the one that reads "My child beat up your honor student." I don't think it's cool that honor students are being beat up, but I like that the bumper sticker makes fun of the ones which are braggadocio in nature. Also, I've noticed that most bumper stickers belong to people of the extreme right and left respectively. Just an observation. I used to have bumper stickers all over my clunker in college but realized the stupidity of it and opted not to put them on my newer clunker. Also, notice they are called "bumper" stickers, not "back window" stickers, not "trunk" stickers, or any other kind of stickers. If you're going to put these dumb things on your car, the least you can do is put them where they belong. The point of this post is this: If you're bumper sticker's not funny, don't put it on your car and waste my time reading it! I'm not going to save the whales just because you do. However, I might just chuckle with you if your sticker's funny!

not a milk at night kind of guy

The above statement is true...I'm not a milk at night kind of guy. I pretty much only have milk with cereal or spaghetti. But frankly, my milk drinking habits is not the point of this post. It's simply how the real point came up. Let me explain. The issue came up the other night when I was thirsty before bed and didn't want water. Polly told me to have a glass of milk. I proceeded to tell her that I'm not a milk at night kind of guy. Polly then brought up the fact that I always use the phrase "I'm (not) a ____ kind of guy" or when speaking in first person plural I say "We're (not) _____ people." Polly thinks it's a weird phrase to use and seems a little annoyed by it. I, on the other hand, think it makes all the sense in the world. And to be honest, I didn't even realize I do it. Am I crazy when I use these phrases or are they really completely normal. I tend to think they get the point across and let's face it...I'm a getting the point across kind of guy!

veggie tales

Like most kids, I was never too keen on veggies. In fact, I used to get in trouble for smushing my peas underneath the tablecloth. My hatred for veggies has not changed with age. I don't really like vegetables! Obviously I like some vegetables. They include corn, raw carrots, radishes, cucumbers, tomatoes, lettuce, raw celery, raw spinach, and onions. So basically I like corn and salad. I guess I just hate cooked veggies mostly. I can't stand peas, beans, cooked spinach, cooked carrots, squash, or mostly any legume or veggie. I was wondering why this is, and then it hit me... The reason I love raw veggies so much is because I don't have to eat them by themselves. I always use salad dressing or veggie dip to mask their flavors (or lack thereof). The only raw veggies I'll eat without dressing or dip are carrots. They are quite delicious in fact. Do I eat my veggies? Yes. I just like them raw with some added flavor!

masters of the obvious

People often feel the need to state the obvious, or say stupid things. I too have been guilty of making the occasional, stupid, obvious comment. It's part of what makes me human. But I must say there are two comments that have always irked me more than others.

1. "It's always the last place you look!" - No kidding...really? Because I was under the impression that you generally find things in the 5th to last place you look and simply keep looking 4 more places for the fun of it. Of course you find things in the last place you look. I mean, sometimes it's also the first place you look. It might be 2nd, 3rd, 4th, and so on. But every time, unless you have time to waste, it's the last place you look. Stop using this phrase people. It's stupid!
2. "The gas always runs out when I'm in the middle of using the grill!" - That's so weird. I mean, what a strange coincidence. Chalk that one up to Murphy's Law. No, wait, that's right, the gas runs out every time you're in the middle of cooking because that's when you're using the gas! If you're not using the gas, how is it supposed to run out? Unless you have a leak, which is not commonly the case, the gas will run out when you are using it. Seriously people.

There are millions of other examples of stupid things people say. Bill Engvall is famous for his "Here's Your Sign" bit that he does, talking about dumb things people say. You can check out a clip of it on YouTube by clicking here.

Unfortunately though, I think I'm going to be hearing those phrases for a long time to come.

so sorry

One of my big pet peeves is when I'm on the phone with a customer service rep. and they tell me that they are "so sorry" that they are unable to assist me. Who's trying to kid whom here? They couldn't care less that they are unable to help me. Once I had a situation like this occur and finally had enough of hearing the "so sorry" line. I was on the phone with AT&T Wireless to make an adjustment on my phone plan. Polly and I use a family plan and have been since before we were even married. It's cheaper. Well, somebody at AT&T decided to put the account in Polly's name. I don't know why this was done because I am the one who pays the bill and takes care of the problems. The customer service rep. was unable to assist me because it wasn't in my name. She said she needed to speak with my wife. The problem was that I needed this taken care of but Polly was busy and couldn't make the call. I was getting fed up and realized that nothing was going to happen. I told her that I thought it was ridiculous. She said, "I'm so sorry Mr. Brown that..." I cut her off. I had enough. "Don't tell me you're so sorry. You couldn't care less that you can't help me. As soon as you get off the phone with me, you'll forget who I am and what my problem is. So don't go feeding me bull about how sorry you are that you cannot help me. You'll go on with your day and not have a care in the world for me. If you can't help me, tell me you can't help me, but don't tell me how sorry you are when you're not." Click. Did she deserve that? No. Did it help me get what I needed? No. Did I overreact? Yes. Was I rude? Yes. Did I feel good about myself for yelling at the poor girl? No. Did it feel good to vent? Yes. I need to find a better way to vent. Actually, the last time I almost went off on someone, I caught myself. Maybe I'm getting better.

the absurdity of sports

I love sports. I love playing them. I love watching them. But have you ever sat back and thought about how ridiculously absurd sports are? I mean, let's face it. The only reason we love them and get excited about them is because we love competition. We love the idea of it, the feel of it, the adrenaline of it. But the sports themselves are pretty absurd when you look at them. Let's take a closer look to see what I mean.

• Baseball - You hit a ball with a stick and run around bases. That's simple enough. But there are so many rules. Who decided that 4 balls makes a free pass to a base whereas only 3 strikes are needed to get you out. Why not 3 balls and 2 strikes? Why not 5 and 4? Why not 3 and 3? Why can't a pitcher pretend like he's going to throw home and throw you out if you're too far off the base? Why are the bases 90 feet apart? Why not 100? Why not 80? Why is the guy to the right of second base called the second basemen and the one to the left called the shortstop? It's all random and silly. If 100 and how many ever years ago Mr. Doubleday decided that there should be 5 bases counting home, we would think it was normal.
• Football - If you throw the ball forward and the guy misses it, it's an incomplete pass. If you throw it backwards and the guy misses it, it's a fumble. Why does it take 10 yards to get a first down? Why do you get 4 downs during a drive? Why can't the ground cause a fumble? Why do you kick the ball through the uprights for a point after the touchdown?

In my opinion, hockey and soccer are the least absurd. Still, when you really think about it, sports are odd. The rules are odd. They are competitive though, and that's what drives us. So no matter how odd sports are, we'll keep watching.

malden's #1

Anyone who knows me knows that I am very proud of where I come from. I love the Boston area and am sad when I'm not near it. For example, when I went to school in Missouri, I missed the city of Boston more than I missed any person. I have always taken pride in Malden. It's where I was born. It's where I was raised. It's where my parents still live. I can tell you some fun facts about Malden:

1. Adoniram Judson was born there. Mr. Judson was the first missionary sent from the United States.
2. Malden is the birthplace of Grandpa Joe from the original "Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory" movie.
3. Malden officially became a town in 1649. I was there for the 350th birthday parade celebration. In fact, I was in it!
4. It has been said that Malden was the first town to petition the colonial government to withdraw from Great Britain.

I can spew much more useless knowledge about my city. But I can also tell you some not so nice things I remember:

1. I once saw a kid get beat to death with a baseball bat while driving to church.
2. A guy on the street over from me when I lived on Essex Street was found beheaded in his jeep. His head was later found in a cemetery.
3. A guy on my brother's paper route (the street next to ours when we lived on Echo St) went missing while jogging and was never found.
4. The body of a young man was found in the cemetery down the street from my house on Echo St.
5. One of the most famous armored car robbery cases in history involved Malden.
6. A few years back, there was a big standoff in Malden involving a separate armored car robbery case.
7. When I lived on Russell St., neighborhood kids used to come into my backyard (it was a duplex so it was shared) to drink and do drugs with my neighbor.

There are so many more bad things I can think of. One which only my brother, a few select people, and me know, which I'd rather not air publicly.

I loved Malden growing up. I love Malden still. I just don't think that I would call it the best place to raise a child. Which begs the question, "How did Malden win the honors of being named the best city in Massachusetts to raise children?"

The honors came from Business Week and the article can read by clicking here So why did Malden win? I think that it has a lot to do with the fact that Malden has all beautiful, new, well-equipped K-8 schools. Only the High School is old. I think the reason Malden was the beneficiary of brand new schools a few years back was because Malden is the home for the State Board of Education. It's kind of like the old saying about the smoothest road in a city being the one the mayor lives on. The best schools in the state are where the State Board of Education resides. I'm happy for Malden that it won this honor. I just feel the need to disagree. And that's coming from a child who was raised there.

bloggers have no life

This is something I have heard recently as I've ventured into the blogging world. And I've heard it from a couple of different people. I have asked, "What do you mean?" They respond by saying something about how they don't have time to read or write blogs. They're too busy. Their lives are just far too important for such menial things. The irony is that if you're reading this blog right now, you're obviously not one of those people, so they'll never see what I say. None-the-less, I would like to clear up this misconception. It's not that people don't have time to write or read blogs. It's simply that they choose to use their time on different things. I mean, what are they so busy doing that constitutes having a life when they have free time? Watching TV? Catching a movie? Reading a book? I mean, seriously, they have the same 24 hours in a day that I do. It's not my fault if they don't do well with time management. I usually write my blogs when I'm doing something else (e.g. watching football, not my own team of course). I also write a bunch of blogs all at once and only post one a day. I do most of my writing on down time during the weekend. I love to write. When I get going, I can write for hours. But each blog doesn't take all that long for me to write. I like to write. You like to read. (If you didn't you probably wouldn't be reading this.) It seems that I have no reason to stop. Silly people.

no fun league

Whatever happened to the NFL being physical? Football has lost some of its luster in my opinion. They've become the No Fun League with pansy rules. If a defender so much as looks at the quarterback the wrong way, a personal foul, 15-yard flag is thrown. Are quarterbacks not players too? Why can't they just let them play? There are also a number of other situations that call for bogus "too physical" flags. It's ridiculous. The other thing that makes the league no fun is how they flag and fine players for celebrating. I don't understand why it's such a big deal. I think it's funny when a player creatively celebrates a touchdown. It used to be that I couldn't wait to watch the celebration highlights on ESPN on Sunday nights. Let them celebrate! I understand the need for rules and structure, but they've made the game a whole lot less fun. All that said, I still love my Patriots, and won't stop watching football no matter what.

road rage

As I've previously posted about, people can be absolutely crazy drivers. Though I hate it when people act out in road rage, it's kind of funny to see how immature people can become. Let me list some examples.

• Windshield Washer War - This one has always humored me. It's when a driver pulls in front of a driver their mad at for whatever reason and intentionally spray them with their windshield washer fluid. I think some people angle their windshield wiper fluid specifically to use it in a road rage situation.
• Cut Back - It's funny to me when someone gets cut off and gets the "I'll show them" mentality. They whip around the car that cut them off and jerk in front of them. What happened to when we were kids and two wrongs didn't make a right?
• The Slow Down - One annoying thing in traffic is when someone starts tailgating you. Even more annoying is when they flash you with their high beams. This is when many people humor me with the slow down. They intentionally slow down so as to trap the flasher in traffic.
• The Old-Fashioned Flip - When someone lacks creativity and ability to get back, they often resort to the old-fashioned flip of the bird. This shows no class whatsoever. I laugh when it's done to me.

There are other comedic responses, but those are the most common ones I can think of. I encourage you to just laugh it off when these things happen to you instead of trying to get even.

lincoln logs, legos, and such

Kids these days don't know haw to have any fun. They just sit around playing video games and watching TV. They still might have toys, but not good ones. When I was a kid I used to play with real toys. We also used to play real games. I remember playing with lincoln logs and legos. What creativity they taught me. I remember playing cars for hours at a time. I had the little green army men and Transformers. I miss those. Especially the lincoln logs. Not only did we play with cooler toys, but we were much more active. My brother, friends, and I used to go down to the Forestdale school and play baseball every day of the summer. When I was young, all the neighborhood kids used to come out and play a big game of hide and go seek, tag, and such. Back when parents would say, "You come home, you stay home," so all the kids would stay outside playing until parents called us home for dinner. I guess I just feel bad for kids these days. They just sit in front of the idiot box all day long and are deprived of real fun. Meanwhile, I wish I could go back to those times of old again.

bad business

It's not uncommon to see a business established on quality become "big" and "popular." It makes sense. I mean, if a business is good, people will tell friends who will tell friends, and so on. It's the old adage: the best advertisement is word of mouth. Unfortunately, it seems that when many businesses become "big" and "popular," they tend to lose the sight of what got them there. It's like the owner/executives become so obsessed with popularity, ratings, sales, etc. that they become obsessed with it and focus more on that than the things which led to the quality that made their name for them in the first place. Restaurants are notoriously guilty for this. They start out with quality food, service, and value which causes their business to explode. Then, they feel like people will come regardless and the value slips. A perfect example of this is Hilltop Steakhouse in Saugus. The food there used to be amazing. You would wait in line forever to eat, but it was worth it. People still frequent Hilltop but only because it's name is already well known. Most leave unsatisfied. TV stations and shows are also often guilty of this. ESPN built itself as a quality outlet for all things sports. Now that they're big, they just have a bunch of talking heads who are usually wrong. They also have a lot of unfunny anchors who think they're comedians, which is a different topic for a different day I guess. This is certainly not always the case as places like Kelly's Roast Beef and Seafood have maintained excellent quality over the years. But this is more like the exception that proves the rule. Many more places tend to live on their name instead of product than not. I only hope that I don't lose quality on this blog. If I start posting garbage full of fluff and no thought, let me know.

every rose has it's thorn...

...just as every group of girls has a loud, annoying one. Is that not how the song goes? Oh well. It doesn't change my opinion on the matter. I first noticed this in high school and then again in college. It seems that every time I see a group of girls, there's one who feels the need to be loud and obnoxious. And I don't think it's a coincidence. Let me explain. The annoying girl is usually the one who speaks for the entire group using words like "we" and "us" instead of "I" and "me." For example, A guy walks by a table of attractive girls and makes some kind of joking comment to Pretty Girl 1. Pretty Girl 1 giggles and tosses her hair. Obnoxious Girl then makes some typical comment to the guy like, "You know you want us." Notice the first person plural pronoun "us." As I said, I don't think it's a mistake or coincidence. And notice that the girl isn't the one who was spoken to. I think that it is a result of the fact that Obnoxious Girl feels the need to be attached to the Pretty Girls. It's like attractive/popular by association or something. My theory is that this is generally the result of low self-esteem by Obnoxious Girl. And Obnoxious Girl doesn't realize that if she weren't loud and obnoxious, she'd fit in better with the Pretty Girls. Please do not confuse this to say that all loud, obnoxious girls are ugly or that no pretty girls are loud and obnoxious. I've already stated in "wedding day beauty" that attractiveness is often dependent on self-confidence. This is just something I've noticed a number of times within a group of girls.

from mtv and vh1 to rsstv and noswstc1

Flipping through channels on the television recently, I thought about why different stations have chosen their respective names. Some of them are easy enough to figure out: History shows historical shows. Style shows things to do with style. ESPN (Entertainment and Sports Programming Network) shows sports-related shows. We could go on for a while with this. These stations were formed for a purpose and maintained their purposes. Some stationed have changed their names over the years as their emphasis and markets have changed (i.e. TNN - The Nashville Network became Spike TV). With all this said, somebody please tell me why MTV (Music TeleVision) and VH1 (Video Hits One), which are owned by the same parent company, still maintain their names. Neither one shows very much to do with music anymore. VH1 has a video countdown and some videos in the morning, but the rest of the day is garbage shows with nothing to do with music. MTV almost never has videos on it anymore. Even MTV2 is full of much of the same trash now. And I've got some bad news for you country music fans out there (of which I am certainly not one!) CMT is owned by the same parent company as MTV and VH1. It's only a matter of time before you don't get to watch your music videos either. I propose that we rename MTV to RSSTV (Ridiculously Stupid Shows TeleVision) and VH1 to NOSWSTC1 (No Other Station Would Show This Crap One). Of course, if you have any better ideas, please let me know.

pahsketti!

A co-worker was telling me about how her son said to her once, "Mom, guess what my favorite food is." She told him that she didn't know. He said, "I'll give you a clue: it starts with a B." She told him that she still didn't know. Almost disappointed that his mother didn't know his favorite food, he quickly retorted, "It's bahsketti!" Spaghetti is easily one of the toughest words for kids to get right. I always called it "pahsketti" as a child. We expect children to make such mistakes and find it humorous and cute when they do. What is not humorous or cute, however, is when adults mispronounce words. And they do it all the time. Let me clarify, first, that I am not talking about words being mispronounced due to regional accents. I, being from Boston, used to have a lot of trouble pronouncing the letter r. I am speaking of mispronouncing words out of ignorance to their spelling and therefore pronunciation. And for the record, I am almost certain that I have been guilty of such mispronunciation myself. This whole thought came to me one day when I was talking to a friend and she said "expecially" instead of "especially." I started thinking about how people always do it. There are so many words/phrases that are mispronounced. The other big one I could think of was saying "supposably" instead of "supposedly". That one has always irked me. I knew there were many more, but could not think of any off hand. So I did what I normally do in that situation and googled "commonly mispronounced words." I was directed to the following link which offers the "100 Most Often Mispronounced Words and Phrases in English." I was shocked to see a couple that I still mispronounce thinking they were accurate. You should check it out: http://www.yourdictionary.com/library/mispron.html For the record, it also irks me when people say, "I could care less." They should say, "I couldn't care less." The point you're trying to get across when you say that is that it's something you do not care about. That's a little different than what I was talking about with mispronunciation but I needed to get that off my chest.

are your legs tired...

Everyone is used to cheesy pick up lines. I think they're used more in jest than they are to pick people up these days. I mean, it's not like they would work, right? Some classics:

• "Are your legs tired...because you've been running through my mind all day."
• "Your dad must be a thief...because it looks like he stole the stars out of the sky and put them in your eyes."
• "Do you have a band-aid...because I scraped my knee when I fell for you."
• "Girl, if you were a booger, I'd pick you first."
• Taking a girl to a movie and coming up with an excuse to put your arm around her (i.e. the yawn).

Now I understand this is coming from the man whose first words to his future wife were, "Polly, want a cracker?" Of course, I said that as a joke, and I believe I won Polly's heart in spite of, not because of that line. Still, talking to some of my female friends, I have discovered that people still use some pretty cheesy lines/tactics in an attempt to pick up girls. Some examples:

• Once, when I was in college, I was at a coffee shop with a group of people. This guy was trying to hit on this girl pretty bad all night. But once at the coffee shop, sitting next to her on a couch, he asked, "What's your major?" She replied, "Missions." He said, "Mine too." He then proceeded to attempt to put his arm around her! No kidding. I mean, I thought that only happened on cheesy Disney television shows as a goof trying to be funny. A couple days later, the same kid "tried to teach her how to throw a football." I couldn't believe it!
• A friend of mine was in a bar where a guy kept trying to hit on her. He didn't get the hint that she wasn't interested. When she went up to the bar to order another drink, he let out this doozy: "If you keep coming up here, I'm gonna think you like me." She was like, "Um, no, actually I just want a drink." He still continued hitting on her the rest of the night. Some guys just cannot take a hint.
• This one takes the cake for me: A friend of mine was driving down the highway once when a truck driver wrote his number on a piece of paper and tried to get her to roll down the window so he could throw it to her. You've got to be kidding me!

I know there are plenty more examples of cheesy attempts at picking up girls. And I'm sure girls have been guilty of the cheese also. But seriously, how can people think they'll actually work? Maybe they do it for my entertainment. That must be it, because there is simply no other logical reasoning for it.

they have degrees, so why am i diagnosing myself?

There are many different types of doctors in our world. Different doctors who specialize in different fields. I regularly use three specific types of doctors: personal care physician (PCP), dentist, and optometrist. Before I go on with my post, let me say that I have a great deal of respect for all three. Now that this obligatory disclaimer is out of the way, let me continue. Doctors go through years of studying and training before they are able to join or start a practice. They generally have walls laden with degrees and other credentials. Why is it then, that sometimes much of their diagnosis is completely dependent on me? It's as though I essentially diagnose myself and they just interpret it for me. Don't get me wrong, they are a big help, but sometimes, I feel like too much of their diagnosis is dependent on me. I mean, I understand the fact that a PCP needs to ask me to relate my symptoms to him because he cannot establish what the problem is if he doesn't know what I'm experiencing. This one doesn't bother me so much. And I understand that a dentist needs to ask me to inform them if I have pain because they cannot feel my pain. They find cavities with or without my help. Really, it's the optometrists that this blog is about. They sit there and turn little lenses until I tell them when I can see. I know that they cannot see through my eyes, but I still hate it. What if I'm wrong. What if "A" was clearer than "B" and I misspoke. There is way too much pressure on me. I understand there's no way around doctors needing to ask me questions so they can properly diagnose me, but with all that studying and with all those degrees, I wish there was a better way. But, as they say, such is life.

early bird gets the worm

The old saying is that the early bird gets the worm. What always bugged me about that proverb is that nobody ever said what happened to the late bird. If I wrote a proverb about the late bird, it would go like this: "late bird gets stressed out!" Let me explain. My wife is the early bird, and by that I mean she eats worms. Seriously though, she is a morning person. She wakes up early, giving herself plenty of time to wake up, shower, read her Bible, watch the news, eat breakfast, get ready, brush her teeth, and finally leave. I am the complete opposite. I am not an early riser. Not a morning person at all. Growing up, I was generally late for school. In college, I was lucky to make it to morning classes at all, forget about on time. Since I've been working, I've greatly improved my ability to wake up early, but I've never improved my desire. I hate it! I always want to sleep 10 more minutes. I still wake up with just enough time to take a shower, brush my teeth, get dressed, and eat my breakfast on the go. What I've noticed is that the few times I've managed to wake up early enough to pace myself in the morning the way my wife does, my whole day is so much less stressful. Being in a rush is just too stressful. I really need to train myself to wake up earlier more often. It would do my mind and body good. That being said, I'm sure I'll be up 30 minutes before I have to leave in the morning again.

the rib

The following poem is meant to be fun, not offensive. I wrote it in college as a joke. I don't actually feel this way about women (clearly, as I married one).

The Rib by Michael Brown

Genesis 2 tells us God made woman from man's rib Maybe it was a lying rib, and that's why women fib Perhaps it was a prideful rib, thinking it was always right Or an instigating rib always trying to start a fight It could have been conceited, thinking that it was dope Or a CBC rib, going to school just to elope Maybe it was a complaining rib, that would explain a lot Or a gold-digging rib, and money is all it sought Perhaps it was a gossiper, stabbing its friend ribs in the back Or one wearing too much make-up, the guy ribs to attract Or just a rude rib, spitting in more men's faces than a llama The only one that I'm sure of is this rib was full of drama

smiling's my favorite

There are 53 facial muscles. I'm sure you've heard that it takes more of those muscles to frown than it does to smile. And I'm sure that you've heard many different versions attributing different amounts of muscles it takes for either. Believe it or not, however, the whole theory is unsubstantiated. Some experts even suggest that it takes more muscles to smile than frown. I am no expert and I will not pretend to know the truth about this topic. Instead, I would like to focus on another aspect of smiling and frowning: I have recently come to believe that more people are capable of smiling than frowning. Let me explain why I have come to this conclusion. I love to smile! It's my favorite! It's one of many things that Buddy the Elf and I have in common. Despite the fact that I usually don't smile in pictures, I actually love to do it. And more importantly, I am capable of it. I can curl the corners of my lips upwards. Frowning, on the other hand, I'm not so fond of. I don't like to do it. It's not my favorite! And recently I discovered something interesting about frowning...I can't do it. I am physically incapable of frowning! Now, clearly I can be sad, but I cannot make the corners of my lips go down to make a frown. I realized this one day when Polly was being goofy and made a frown. It looked weird to me. I couldn't recall seeing anyone actually frown. So, naturally I tried it myself. Complete failure. I looked goofy trying. This made me wonder, "Is it abnormal that I cannot frown?" As I do with most puzzling questions in my life, I put it to a test. I began randomly asking friends and family to frown, with Polly often offering a demonstration. Of all the people I asked, my mother was the only other person capable of doing it. Most people, I discovered, could not frown. I found this odd, as I had never really thought about it before. I also found it interesting that Polly said it hurt to hold her face in a frown. This was probably due to nothing more than the fact that she doesn't use some of the specific muscles it takes to frown very often. Maybe that's why some people think it takes more muscles (because it hurts more). So who knows how many muscles it takes for either. What I do know now is that I can't frown. Which is fine with me because, after all, smiling is my favorite!