sometimes being nice is mean

Yesterday, I posted a blog about my weight loss and how bad I looked in the photo from my wedding shower. Check yesterday's blog if you haven't already so you can know exactly what I'm talking about. Some people, including me, came up with what I thought was a good, legitimate question based on my Jaba the Hut inspired picture...Why would Polly let me be seen in public like that? Seriously, how could someone who loves me let me look that awful? Well, I did the best thing I knew to do in this situation...something foreign to many people who want an answer...I asked Polly. Me: "Polly, looking at this picture, it begs the question: How could you let me leave my house like that?" Polly: "I didn't want to be mean and hurt your feelings or make you mad at me." This was a commendable response and showed her pure, loving motives for why she didn't comment on my gooiness in that shirt. However, I think this may have been an occasion where being nice was the mean thing to do. As I told her, I would rather have had my feelings hurt a little than having subjected myself to public humiliation and fodder for laughter. It's much like when parents think it's cute when their kids dress themselves, but they look so bad that they're bound to get picked on. A little positive criticism and advice is a good thing. (For the record, there's a girl in my church who is excellent at dressing herself and it actually is cute...I'm not looking to discourage that practice, but simply desiring to put parameters around it.) When we decide to do something nice, we should make it a point to ask ourselves if we'd actually be nicer to simply tell the truth, though it might hurt a little initially. For example, Polly and I were going out Sunday and she put on an outfit and asked my opinion on it. The outfit itself was cute, but the back of her top was quite wrinkly. I could have been "nice" and said she looked great, but the true niceness in me compelled me to inform her that the top was wrinkled. Sometimes the line between being nice and being mean becomes blurry which creates the paradox which I have set before you: "Sometimes being nice is being mean!"