grown up

This year features my ten year reunion for high school. I would be lying if I said this didn't make me feel old.
As a youth pastor, I work with teenagers. They also make me feel old at times.
My soreness after exercise or activity lingers a little longer than it once did. Yep, feeling older.
While watching "Wipeout," I was quick to notice how immature a 19-year old was. Still feeling old.
I think I'm older than many of the Bruins players. Old, old, old.

As old as the five examples listed above make me feel, they do not even pale in comparison to something that's got me feeling old. In fact, for the first time in my life I feel like a grown up. What event spurred this on? Becoming a father.

You might contend that I should have felt like a grown up even prior to having a child. I mean, I have been married for over 3 years. I have lived either on my own or with my wife for nearly 6 years, paying my own bills. These doses of responsibility may have helped in the process, but they certainly didn't put me over the top. Regardless what you might contend, becoming a father is the event that finally has me feeling like a grown up. And when you really break it down it makes all the sense in the world. Let me briefly explain.

There was a huge psychological shift that occurred when I became a dad. I mean, think about it. Up until that moment, I always viewed myself as the kid in the parent-kid relationship. The words "mom" and "dad" instantly evoked the image of my mother and father in my mind. The words "kids" and "children" instantly evoked the image of my siblings and me.

But now that I have a child of my own, this has changed drastically. I now think of myself as the parent in the parent-kid relationship. The words "mom" and "dad" instantly evoke the image of Polly and me. The words "kid" and "child" instantly evoke the image of my daughter Genevieve.

As a child, without even realizing it, I defined a grown up as someone who served the role as parent in the parent-kid relationship. Now that I have fulfilled that prerequisite for my internal definition for "grown up," I finally see myself as a grown up, though I'm still not fully used to it. Opening a card on Valentine's Day with "Daddy" written on the envelope was certainly a new feeling. It reminded me of something that happened just after I got married. Polly opened and read all our cards as I drove to our honeymoon. I heard her say, "Mr. and Mrs. Brown." I was like, "Oh, that's from my parents?" She simply replied, "No, it's for us...you know, Mr. and Mrs. Brown." It didn't take long for me to adjust to that. And it hasn't taken too long to adjust to being a dad (though I'm not fully there yet). It already has me feeling like a grown up.